Beware the Zealots

by Karen Michelle

  

Chapter 7: Back at school

I started taking my hormones immediately as Dr. Williams had prescribed. My mom was diligent in keeping me on the schedule, although I think in this matter I could have handled it myself. As I began taking my hormones, I must say that I had a quiet confidence. I knew what I was doing. I knew the effect the hormones would eventually have on my body. I wanted the changes and the life these hormones would bring. And I knew I was going to get to be who I wanted to be. It gave me a sense of satisfaction and confidence.

My birthday was the day before the cut-off date for enrollment. Mom said it would be a good time to register and also make the appointment to visit the principal. Dad had taken some vacation previously, so he said he probably needed to be at work that day, even though this was important.

"If you run into problems," he said, "I can get involved."

Mom had also called Dr. Williams and told her about our appointment to speak with the principal. So, on a Monday, mom, I, and Dr. Williams met at the school to meet the principal.

Mom and I went to school, and picked up my schedule. I, of course, was dressed in girls' clothes, wearing pants and a top. My hair was cut in a girls' style. The woman handing out schedules looked at me for a second or two, didn't say anything, and then told us to go to the waiting area to see the principal. Dr. Williams was waiting there for us.

Mom had called ahead and talked to the principal outlining how things were. We had a woman for a principal. Mom said that might be good, since women were usually more open to listening, rather than men who tended to react. She hoped that being a woman, she could empathize with the situation more easily. Also, since she was a young principal (in her early 40's) she hoped she would be less close-minded than an older person would be. Mom was also encouraged since, when the principal had come to the school board to apply for the position, she had said she would always have an "open door" policy.

"Come right in" Dr. Kim Nealy said, as she opened the door. "Be seated."

The three of us went in and sat down across from her desk. Dr. Nealy was looking at some papers, then closed a folder and looked up at me.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Nealy, the principal, and you're .. should I call you Jennifer or Jeremy?".

"Well, Jeremy is her legal name, but Jennifer is the name that I gave her" my mother replied. "Jennifer is the name we're using now."

"Hmmm.." said Dr. Nealy, "well for right now I'll call you Jennifer, if that's all right with you" she said looking at me.

Then she turned to Dr. Williams.

"You must be Dr. Williams, Jennifers doctor" she said.

"That's correct," said Dr. Williams. "I came along for moral support. We have a unique situation here and I came in case you had questions."

"I appreciate that," Kim Nealy replied. "And unique is very correct. I don't think I've ever seen a case where a student has come to school with this type of problem before. I'm not sure exactly how to proceed."

"Well," said Dr. Williams, "what Jennifer needs is to be allowed to come to school and be treated as any other girl. Jennifer came to me and expressed a strong gender dysphoric condition, meaning that her inner self is female, even though she is not, externally. As with any older person who comes to me with this problem, I counsel them, and give them a trial period to explore their feelings, and even go out dressed as the opposite sex. I want to see how they relate to the opposite sex, given the chance to experience that. Jennifer did that, and has demonstrated that she needs to transition. That's our term for making the change from male to female. My experience is that this problem will not go away, but lasts a lifetime if not treated. And so, to that end, I have prescribed hormone therapy for Jennifer, which she is now undergoing. Given time, it won't be very long before her body will start to respond in a normal female manner. Since Jennifers body will eventually become female, she needs to be treated as one here at school."

Dr. Nealy leaned back and considered Dr. Williams words.

"Is there any chance that Jennifer, or Jeremy, will change their mind?" Dr. Nealy asked, trying to ask the question in a neutral manner.

"Anything is possible, of course," said Dr. Williams, "but I don't think so. Hormones are a very definite step in cross-gender treatment. It's not to be administered unless you're pretty certain about an individual. I've had a few sessions with Jennifer, and the feelings she has related to me indicate that these are feelings that are very basic. Having worked with other gender dysphoric patients who have completely gone through the process, it's reasonable to assume that she, having these same feelings, will do the same. So while the possibility does exist that Jennifer could change her mind, it's my professional opinion that she probably won't. Most people that relate these feelings want one thing, and that is to eventually change their sex. I don't think Jennifer is any different, although she's just younger."

"I see" said Dr. Nealy. "Still the possibility exists that Jennifer could change her mind."

"Yes, anything is possible," answered Dr. Williams, "but hormonal changes are hard to undo. As a professional, I have to be as certain as I possibly can be that I'm making the right recommendation, otherwise the individual has more complex problems to undo at a later time."

Dr. Nealy sat there in thought for a few minutes.

"I'd still feel better if we make a way so that Jennifer can have "an out" if it's necessary" Dr. Nealy said. "How about this as a compromise? I'm not sure that I feel totally comfortable telling my staff that Jennifer should be treated as a female from the outset. Certainly I see where this could lead, and if it goes very far, I think that would be an eventual outcome. But, since Jennifer could change her mind, what if I do this? I certainly see that if she's under doctors orders, she needs to follow those orders, so coming dressed as a girl will be permitted. Of course, she'll have to deal with any comments that happen as a result of that. I will advise my staff of this case, and we'll put her on the class schedule as Jennifer. If the kids "tee-hee", which they probably will do, we'll be "up-front" with the situation. We tell the students that Jennifer has a special problem, and give Jennifer an opportunity to tell her story. We also tell the students that Jennifer is exploring this, so she might change her mind. Jennifer has asked to be called Jennifer, and so we, the staff, are just doing what we're being asked to do. That way, the situation is placed squarely on Jennifers shoulders. The teacher is only being professional. Jennifers biggest problem will be dealing with the comments from the student body, and we tell the students that if they have questions, they can talk to her directly. But, I don't want Jennifer trying to force herself on other students. If parents find out that she is trying to influence their child with this behavior, I'll have some angry parents on my hands. I think most kids, once they know the situation, will be ok with it, but we have to let them come to Jennifer, and not the other way around. They're like most people. Once they know the situation, they tend to move on. And, if it happens that Jennifer changes her mind, she can also inform us and the students. "

Dr. Nealy paused for a minute, then continued.

"BUT..," she said looking at me, "you better be pretty sure this is how you want to proceed, and how you want to be treated. I think people will be ok with this if presented with the matter in an open manner, and allowed to make their own decision about you, but you can't be changing your mind about this. I'm not saying you CAN'T change your mind, but in this case, I think you only get one or two opportunities at the most to do it. You're either a boy, or you're a girl, or you're gay, or a lesbian. I think people can accept that. I think they can even accept it if you change your mind, provided we present it correctly. But flip-flop too much, and you lose your credibility, so it's better to be sure going into this what you want."

"I am" I replied.

"OK," continued Dr. Nealy. "Does that plan sound acceptable to you?" asked Dr. Nealy?

"What if some kids have parents that get hot about this situation?" asked mom.

"Hee-hee" replied Dr. Nealy. "That's pretty easy. We have a press conference and tell them that Jennifer is under doctors orders. It's a known medical condition and we're handling it like anything else that's medical. And we tell them that the school is not here to dictate moral ethics. That's up to the parents to direct their children as they see fit. I think we can handle this situation. Yes, it might be a bit delicate, but if we treat it professionally, and allow the kids to talk to Jennifer, I think they'll be ok with it. I knew an individual with a visual impairment some years ago. He didn't act like a lepper, he just went about his daily life. If people had questions, he answered them. Most people came to know him as just a regular person, with regular feelings. It just so happened that he was different. He even inspired a few people since he had to deal with his impairment and overcome it despite the prejudices of others. I think we can handle this problem in the same way. At least, that's how I'd like to handle it, if it's all right with the two of you."

"That sounds reasonable" my mother replied.

"What about PE? Can I get out of it? I don't want to be seen by all those boys, especially if I'm becoming a girl." I asked.

Dr. Nealy laughed.

"That's the least of our worries. We can exclude a student based on a medical condition. I'll take care of that."

"What about using restrooms?" my mom asked.

"We have student and staff bathrooms on all floors. I can see where using a girls restroom might be inconvenient right now. We could allow Jennifer to use the womens staff restroom, once the teachers are told. Eventually, however, if the types of changes I'm thinking about happen, Jennifer might want to consider using a regular girls restroom, but we can talk about that when the time comes."

"So, are there any other concerns?" Dr. Nealy asked.

"No," mom said, "I think you've offered us something we can work with."

"Good. The only thing I have that remains is that I need to take this all to the school board so they're informed of this policy. They're pretty open-minded, and as long as we show that Jennifer is going to go about her business and not force her opinion on others, I think we can proceed with this."

And with that, the appointment was at an end.

 

 

Chapter 8: A doctor in the making

School had been going along for about 3 months, and during that time, my body started responding to the hormones. I noticed my chest was itching and sore, and Mom told me my breasts were starting to develop. That day, she gave me my first supply of training bras. It was an exciting moment for both of us, and I must say, the bra felt good on me. Now I didn't have to sneak around and look at women wearing bras in my moms magazines, I had bras of my own. I was becoming a woman, she said, and I'd have to wear one of these for the rest of my life. I didn't complain. From then on, I wore a bra all the time, and that meant at school too.

The kids had been somewhat cool to me at school. I'm not sure they knew exactly what to think about my situation. They had asked some questions, but basically had taken a "standoff-ish" position. However, once I started wearing a bra, the girls started talking to me. I was at lunch one day when two girls came up to me.

"Hi, I'm Kathy, and this is Rhonda, can we sit at your table?" they asked.

"Sure" I replied.

"We were wondering about you, wondering if what you were doing was really genuine. We noticed you're wearing a bra, and we figured if you were doing that, you must be serious about this. Are you really getting your boobs?"

"Yes I am, and yes, I'm really serious about this."

"So you're really serious about this, I mean, becoming one of us" Rhonda asked.

"Yes, I've wanted it for a long time, but I didn't know exactly how to go about doing it." I replied.

"So how did you finally get to start being a girl?" Kathy asked.

"I finally talked to my mom, or rather, she talked to me." I said.

"Wow, and she was ok with it? My mom would have flipped if I had told her I wanted to be a boy!" said Rhonda.

"I thought mine would too, but she was ok with it. In fact, she has helped bring my Dad around to this idea too." I said.

"Well, we were wondering if you'd like to maybe hang out with us after school, that is, if you're really serious about this." continued Rhonda.

"You're not worried about what the other kids will say? People have been sort of avoiding me. I figured they were talking about me."

"Some," said Kathy. "But they just don't know how to treat you. Rhonda and I talked about it, and we talked about it with our parents. We figure, if you're serious, then we'd like to give you a chance to be one of the girls. You wearing a bra, well we figured you're probably not kidding about this."

"That sounds fun. I'd like that. And no, I'm not kidding about this. What did you have in mind after school?" I asked.

"Well, you're in the same Algebra class with us, so we were thinking about getting together at my house and studying for that test we have tomorrow. My parents will kill me if I don't do well on that test, especially my Dad" continued Kathy. "He's a big math freak and that's one subject I can't do badly in."

"Yeah, that subject is a bit difficult for me too" I said. "I could use some help."

"OK then, it's set. Talk to your mom and dad and see if you can come over for dinner. We're having burgers and steak fries cooked on the grill, one of my Dad's specialties. Dinner is at 5:30 and then we'll start studying at 6:30. Sound ok?"

We scattered after lunch and the afternoon dragged on. Mom told me that I needed to make some girlfriends and this was a prime opportunity and to have a good time. Dinner was fantastic. Kathy was right. Her dad did make really good burgers and fries on the grill.

We studied until about 10 that night, but when we got done, we all felt we knew the Algebra pretty well. And when we took the test the next day, we walked out of the class knowing we all Aced it with no problem. We celebrated by going to the McDonalds after school that day and getting a Coke.

"Wow, that test was a breeze" I said.

"My Dad tells me, when that happens, to remember what you had to do to have an easy time of it" said Kathy.

"He sounds like a slave-driver" I said.

"Well, he's told me many times that when he was a kid, he never had any help from his parents, and didn't understand that you get out of something what you put into it. He's tried to teach us that the more you study something the easier it gets. I've found that to be true, but I'm never going to admit to him he's right!" Kathy said.

We all laughed.

"Can't let them know they're right, huh?" said Rhonda.

"Exactly! But we all Aced that test. Jennifer, you asked some good questions last night, and Rhonda, you didn't do too bad either. Hey, we make a pretty good study team. Wanna keep it going? We'll show that math teacher how smart we are!"

"Sounds good to me" said Rhonda.

"Me too" I said, "and how can our parents argue with studying?" I added.

*****

So from then on, it was the three of us. Still, I was amazed at how they took me into their confidence. My mom and I had agreed to let me have my hair grow longer. Maybe that was it. After all, that's what girls have. Still, the girls (and their parents) knew the situation I was in. Technically, I was still a boy, and it was just surprising that things were going my way like this.

*****

About 5 months had passed since I started going to school as Jennifer. Christmas had passed, and we were in the second semester. By this time, Kathy and Rhonda and I were a known trio in the lunchroom. We had our own reserved table, and although some people still weren't talking to me, things were getting a little easier.

One day, while we were at lunch, an 8th grade boy came up to the table. We were talking, and didn't notice him at first.

"Excuse me." He said timidly.

We looked up, immersed in our conversation. He was a rather awkward looking boy, and not one of the popular ones. It was obvious he was nervous even being here. I thought to myself, what's the big deal?

"Yes?" Rhonda said, "what can we do for you?"

"I.. I'd.. like to talk to Jennifer.. if.. you don't mind."

My two friends looked at him, and looked at me, then looked back at him.

"You can talk to all of us," Rhonda replied.

"I.. I'd.. like to talk to Jennifer, alone, if you don't mind." He continued.

It was obvious he was very nervous.

"Looks like you've got a live one here, Jen" said Kathy. "You want to talk to him?"

"I guess so" I said.

"Too bad," said Rhonda, "we were just getting going. Too bad we have to break up a good conversation when it was just getting started. We'll see you in math class in 20 minutes, ok?"

"Sure, see you then" I replied.

My friends got up and excused themselves, and I motioned for him to sit down.

"Well, it looks like it took a lot to come over here and talk to me. What can I do for you?" I asked.

He sat there for a minute, shifting his glance.

"I have something I need to tell someone, and you're the only one in the whole world that I can talk to about it."

"Me?" I said in a surprised tone.

"Yes," he said. "I'll die if I don't tell someone."

We sat there for a minute in silence.

"Well, what is it?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"I've watched you over the past few months admiring you, admiring your courage. What you did, telling everyone about your problem. It was so unbelievable. And here you are, getting to be a girl at school."

"I'm no hero or anything, and it hasn't been easy, but I've managed. Is that what you wanted to say? That you admired me?" I asked him.

He sat silent for a moment.

"That, and, well, I could never do anything like that. I mean sometimes I really wish I had the courage you have, but I'm scared to death to tell anybody. My parents wouldn't understand, my friends wouldn't understand. Only you can understand. I just wanted to tell you how much I admire you for doing what you're doing."

I sat there, thinking about what he had just said.

He began to get up. I could tell it had been all he could do to even tell me that.

"Wait" I said, touching his arm. "Don't go. Sit back down."

He sat down. I put two and two together and realized what he was saying.

"What's your name?" I asked, trying to break the ice.

"Charles Adams" he said.

"Charles" I said gently, "if I'm hearing what I think I'm hearing, you're telling me you wish you were a girl, just like I'm getting to be one. Is that what you're saying?"

He sat there, silent.

I looked him straight in the eyes and asked again.

"Charles, if that's what you're telling me, I DO understand. Is that what you're telling me, that you want to be a girl too? Tell me!"

"Yes," he said, "I don't know why I feel this way, but I just do. My mom doesn't understand. She figured it out after she caught me wearing her underwear and some of her dresses, and she gave me a real lecture about it. She said I couldn't ever be a girl, not a real one, and that I just better get used to being a boy. I just wanted to die."

I sat there thinking about how things had gone for me at home, and the understanding parents I had, and then I thought about how he must have felt, with a parent that didn't understand.

"Oh Charles, that must have been horrible. How long have you felt this way?" I asked.

"I don't know, since I was like 5. I'm 14 now."

And so he started relating how he felt, and it was amazing. The feelings were so close to the ones that I had related to Dr. Williams; the same feelings that had allowed me to be where I was now. Yet, we were on opposite sides of the fence. I had been permitted to open the gate and start exploring the female side of things which I was so grateful for, and yet, here was a soul in need who was being denied. I knew he must be miserable.

"Oh Charles," I said, "you need to speak to the doctor that I am seeing. She would understand. Maybe she could get your mom to understand too."

"She'll never understand, but at least you do. I knew you would."

Then the bell rang for class, and we had to end the conversation. I thought about what he had said, and I thought about how he said his mom had reacted. Understandably, I didn't hear much in class that afternoon. That night I had to tell my parents.

"Mom, Dad, I met someone at school who's just like me." I said.

"Oh?" mom said as we ate dinner.

"Yes, his name is Charles Adams, and he came to me at lunch. He told me he admired what I was doing; the courage I had shown. Gee, I thought nobody would understand what I was doing, let alone me being some sort of hero. He told me he wanted to be a girl just like I'm becoming, and he told me he's miserable. He told me his mom would never understand, and told him he could never be a girl."

My dad sat there for a minute in thought and then replied.

"Jennifer, while I don't pretend to understand this altogether, I've come to understand that this is what you need. Denying you this would be like denying a disfigured person the right to get corrective surgery on their nose, or their face. I can see that you've been happier, in general, since you started seeing Dr. Williams. It's unfortunate that people with your problem have to have parents that aren't as understanding, and at least open to helping their child, even if it might mean doing what you're doing."

My dad, he didn't always understand. But I could tell he was really making an effort here.

"Thanks, daddy" I said. "I wish there was something we could do. If anybody understands what Charles is feeling, I do. Could we go talk to his mom?"

"Honey," my mom replied "what you're doing is a very personal thing and really should be left up to a parent and his or her child."

"But mom, he's hurting. He says he needs to be a girl, just like I do. Mom, I can see I'm a lot happier now that I'm living as the girl that I am. Can't you see that?"

"Yes, dear" mom replied "I've noticed that you seem to be a lot happier since you've started this all".

"And if Charles feels like I do, he needs to do what I'm doing. Can't we try to help him by talking to his mom? If he really feels the way he says he does, it would be wrong to not try to help him."

Mom and Dad couldn't argue with my desire to try to help someone that had a problem, especially one that I understood, so they agreed to call Charles' mother and see if we could speak with her. Later that evening the three of us were at Charles' house. My parents tried to explain that this was a known medical condition, and that it had been proven through experience that this condition did not disappear with time. They tried to explain, from our research on the Internet, that girls like me that are treated early, can expect to have a normal development, and the best chances for a normal life as a female. Charles' mother wouldn't hear any of it. She just kept reminding my mother that as a woman, she should know that "girls like me" will never menstruate like "normal" girls, and never be able to have babies, so how could anybody like that be considered a female? She believed in God, and she believed that God intended for there to be males and females, and that God had a purpose for each person when He created them, and she wasn't going to allow her son to go against God.

"It says in the Bible in Romans chapter 1 that men and women knew the truth about God because they could see the creation around them and see what God intended. They could see that God intended for there to be males and females, and they could see that males are supposed to be with females. However, they chose to believe their own truth. That is, men would be with men, and women would be with women, defiling themselves, against the natural use of their bodies that God intended and created them for. Therefore, it's obvious that what God intended was for men to be men, and women to be women, and for men to be with women, and to not use their bodies unnaturally. It also says that people that CHOOSE to live in this lifestyle are choosing their own truth, not the truth of God. And since God is the author of truth, then not believing what God says is believing a lie. Therefore, participating in this behavior is believing in a lie that is against God. I believe that God has a purpose for everybody, and we shouldn't be changing things he created or set in place just because we can. In your "daughters" case, I can't see anything other than she is using her body "unnaturally", and changing what God has created. To me, that is a sin. If you want to allow your child to do that, that's your decision. But I can't allow my son to follow the same course, and I will have none of it." said Charles' mother.

It was certainly a strong argument. Mom had read the Bible a few times. While the Bible didn't specifically say anything about transsexuals, this presented a compelling argument against me. Mom dug deep, and then responded.

"Well," said my mother, "I don't take such a rigid attitude towards this. What happens to those people that are born with both sexes? They have just as much of a right to be "normal", don't they? They should have been born one way or the other, but by a cruel trick of nature, it didn't happen. What if they feel cheated because they're not normal? Should they be denied corrective surgery to become a male or a female if they know what they should have been born as, just because they have a birth defect and were born that way? You say that God created people to be male and female, and that He intended people to live that way. If that's the case, then these people, because they have a problem that they had nothing to do with, are not living according to Gods' plan. Shouldn't corrective surgery be available to them to help them live according to what God outlines in the Bible?"

Yes," she said "I can see that for people that are born with both sexes, but we're talking about normal males and females who have some crazy idea about changing their sex. They have no reason to do that. They shouldn't be seeking out any sex change operation."

"So let me understand your position. Are you saying that sex-change operations should be available, but only for those people with physical manifestations of defects?" mom asked.

"Yes" said Mrs. Adams, "it would allow them to come in line with what God designed."

"And what if the physical manifestation is something that can't be seen or measured? What if a chromosome is out of place, or what if a hormonal imbalance in-utero caused the problem? The problem is no less present, it's just a different problem. If the brain says female, but due to a chemical or hormonal problem in-utero the individual develops male characteristics, wouldn't that be just as much of a manifestation as someone born with both sexes? The only difference is that the problem isn't obvious, and it's one that would be difficult to measure or see like the person born with both sexes. I'd compare that to someone who is totally blind, and someone who looks normal but can see and has severe vision loss. You can see that a blind person is blind. Nobody would question his or her need to seek help. But if a person has severe vision loss, is very nearsighted, you might not be able to tell by looking. They might look totally normal. They would certainly be misunderstood. Because they're not blind, your preconception would be to treat them as a sighted person, but when they went to look at something and had to hold it close, you'd know there was a problem. Even though the latter person has a different problem, they are just as much handicapped. They both need help."

Mom paused. She could see she had selected an excellent line of rebuttal.

"They've even done studies on the brain structures of transsexual women after death and found that the brain structures are female, rather than male, to prove this idea. That would suggest something went seriously wrong before they were born. The brain thinks one way, but the body says something else, and the person has no control over the fact that this has happened. It's not a choice they made, as you mentioned earlier. They have a problem just like the person born with both sexes. And if they can be put in that same category as the person with two sexes, just like the severely vision impaired person is classified as blind, shouldn't they be just as entitled to the same help as the person who is born with both physical sexes? After all, their problem exists because they are not created according to what God intended. Shouldn't they have the chance to live and be happy the way he intended, just like the person born with two physical sexes gets to do? What if Charles and our Jennifer both have this condition? It's just something the doctors can't see easily, but the problem exists, if we'll just admit it."

Mrs. Adams was silent. Mom had backed her into the corner and had shaken her world. It was obvious that this line of reasoning was something that didn't fit into her definition of how things should be.

"You can't prove that's the case" Mrs. Adams replied.

"That's true, but you can't prove it isn't the case either" my mom said. "I think the doctors realized a long time ago that they can't prove or disprove it either. And since this possibility exists that there is a physical problem which is responsible, and which could be corrected, they leave it up to the individual to decide what they need to do. Only the person knows how they really feel in the end, and what they need to resolve the situation."

Mrs. Adams responded by saying that while my mom's line of reasoning was impeccable, she simply couldn't embrace the thought that God would allow such a thing to occur. It was obvious she wasn't going to change her mind, and mom and dad thanked her for letting us come over. On the way home, the lightbulb went off in my head.

"Mom," I said, "that was some argument you gave her. I wish she could see it the way you do. Maybe Charles could get the help she needs just like me."

"Honey," mom replied, "I've had a lot of time to think about this. The thing that really convinced me that this is what you needed was the research we did on the Internet, seeing the discoveries about the brain. I just wish I could have convinced Charles' mother that the possibility of this happening is real."

"Jen," Dad chimed in, "people have to make up their own minds. It's not our job to tell her what to do with her child. He, or "she", as you put it, is her child, and her responsibility."

"Well, I know one thing," I replied. "When I grow up, I want to go into some form of medicine to help people like me. I want to help them escape their prison and be free, just like I'm getting to be free. How would you like it if you had a woman doctor in the family?"

"That would be fine with us, honey", mom replied. "You might be able to do some real good and help people find who they are. And honey, don't beat yourself up too much about Charles. I know you wanted to help him, but remember, you can't fix everyone else's problems. We tried, but its Charles' mother that has to make the decision. It's obvious she has very strong religious convictions and they strongly influence her in this matter. That's not something we're going to be able to change, and in my experience, I've found someone who feels that strongly is probably not going to change their mind."

She was right. I decided that I should concentrate on my own life. If Charles' mom changed her mind, and asked us for help, I'd be willing to help out. But I wasn't going to get angry and upset over something I had no control over.

  

  

Chapter 9: Moving on and Spring Shopping

After that, mom and dad helped me to enroll in some first aid classes through the Red Cross. They told me if I was going to be a medical person, it would be good to explore this. I must say that I enjoyed it quite a bit. After my 8 week course, I had a basic level of understanding in First Aid and a certificate to prove it. I also started volunteering at the hospital. While I was only 12 and not a doctor, I could see first-hand the opportunities for helping people, and I knew I was on to something.

The people at the hospital were very kind to me. While they knew I couldn't legally do anything in a major way, they let me be their "gopher", and they let me see many things. I was taught how to sterilize equipment, pack emergency boxes, go get supplies. I was also taught to respect the people in charge, and to work within the rules that they laid down, which I did to the letter. They told me, after all, that people's lives depended on what I did, and I realized that I had to do things exactly as they said if people were going to be able to save lives. They rewarded me by letting me ride in the ambulance a few times, strictly as a person helping out with equipment. All the paramedics had been briefed on my situation, and everyone treated me as just another person with a job to do. Through that, I could see that helping people was something I seriously needed to consider.

In the meantime, things had gone back to normal at school. Another couple of months had passed, and the end of the school year was just a couple of weeks away. I was at the nine month mark. One Saturday I was getting dressed and it wasn't going well.

"Mom, can you come here and help me? These clothes don't fit!" I yelled from my bedroom.

Mom came in with a tape measure around her neck. She enjoyed sewing so I didn't give it much thought. My sister, not to miss anything, accompanied her.

"What's the problem?" mom asked.

"Nothing much, except my clothes don't fit" I replied.

"Jen, you're boobs are just getting bigger, and you're getting fat!" my sister said as she giggled.

"That's to be expected Carolyn, and you don't need to laugh about it. Here honey, take off your top and pants but leave your bra on, and let me measure you."

I took off my top. Mom put the tape measure around me.

"Hmmm.. I see. There's a two inch difference. My, well, you have been growing. That bra must be tight."

"Yes, it is" I replied.

"Well no wonder. It's only a trainer, and you're all of an A cup, maybe a little bigger. You need a larger bra" mom said.

Then she looked at me all over and told me to turn around.

"It looks like the hormones have been causing the fat to move around too just like we read about. Let me measure your hips."

And with that the tape measure went around my waist and hips.

"Hmmm.. Twenty-four inch waist, and twenty-six inch hips. Come and stand in front of the mirror and turn to the side and see."

It was like the Internet sites had said. Small changes, until one day you just sort of notice it. I stood profile in front of the mirror and the new shape my body was taking on was unmistakable. I had boobs; and I had a butt too. A real GIRLS butt.

"Here, sweetheart, take your bra off. I think I have a larger size you can wear for now."

I stood there, hesitating, looking at her.

"There's nothing to be modest about, Jennifer. I'm your mother and this is your sister here, and we both have breasts. We understand what you're feeling, and we know the excitement you're experiencing, right Carolyn?" mom said.

Carolyn came up beside me and we all stood there together.

I took my bra off and gave it to her, and watched her exit the room. While she was gone, I stood in front of the mirror looking at my maturing breasts. No, they weren't DD or anything that boys drooled over, but they were my breasts, laying there on my chest. They were exactly like I had imagined they should be. I touched them ever so gently and stroked my left nipple. I could feel the soft flesh and the nipple responded ever so slightly. It was difficult to remember what my chest looked like before this all happened. Then again, I didn't really WANT to remember. I LIKED what I was seeing, and what was happening to me. Mom came back in while I was doing this and stood beside me. I noticed her looking in the mirror, and I blushed with modesty.

"Jen, I felt exactly the same way when I got my breasts" said my sister Carolyn. It was so wonderful knowing that I was becoming a woman" she said. "And now.." she said trailing off.

"And now?" I asked her.

"And now.. you are too. In fact, I'm actually getting a sister. I wasn't sure exactly how I'd feel when you told us you wanted to be a girl last fall, but I think I really like the idea that you're becoming my sister. I always wanted one. When you were born, I was so disappointed that you weren't a girl. I wanted a sister, and well, now you're becoming her."

"Yeah" I replied, "and when I looked at you, I wished I were you, or your sister."

"Well" Carolyn answered, "I guess we're both getting what we wanted."

She hugged me and it felt so good to be standing with both of them.

"Well, honey, what do you think? You asked us to help you become a female, and that's exactly what we've done. Your body is developing, your voice hasn't dropped, your face is definitely looking female; do you like what's happening to you?"

I stood looking in the mirror. My hair had grown out by now and was a little past my shoulders, almost covering my breasts. I loved what I saw.

"More than anything, mother" I replied.

I paused; then I looked down at my panties.

"I just wish Mr. Winky could be gone too. I wish I looked like you completely."

"Well," she continued, "with all the changes you've been going through, and will go through, it looks like Mr. Winky won't be around forever. It won't be long before the doctors take care of him permanently."

Mom paused as she looked me over.

"But, for now, your pants are tight through the hips and butt, and fit wrong in the waist, and you need a bigger sized bra. Be happy about all that. It looks like you're getting your figure just like other girls in the family – at an early age. We are all fast starters.

Then she looked at me, and a startled look came over her face.

"What is it, mom?" I asked.

"Hold on, sweetheart. I'll be right back" she said.

In a minute, she came back with the Polaroid camera and told me she wanted to take my picture. She took a couple of pictures. I didn't think much about it and said ok. When the pictures developed, she laid them out, and then laid two other pictures beside them.

"We've been too close to the situation, honey, but pictures don't lie. Look here. See the difference."

Mom had had the wisdom to take some pictures of me when I first started this whole process. She placed a closeup of my face when I started next to one of the photos she had just taken of my face. Then she laid a full body shot against what I looked like when we started. There was enough of a difference that you could definitely tell something was happening.

"Look at how dramatic the changes are, over the last nine months. From day to day, it's a slow process, but look at the difference between then and now. It really becomes obvious that everything is moving around. Your proportions are all different. And look at your face. It's different too. When we were exploring this last summer, I thought it was amazing how much you looked like a girl with the right clothes on and some makeup to help. But now, you look more like a girl just in your underwear. You've been changing these last few months."

"Yeah, Jen," Carolyn said, "you really are looking like my sister."

Mom started crying.

"What's wrong, mom?" I asked.

She stopped and then looked at me.

"Twelve years ago I gave birth to a son. Now all of this is happening, and you're really turning out to be a beautiful daughter."

She composed herself, and then told me we'd have to go shopping.

"You're blossoming, and we'll need to get you some new clothes, especially some dresses and skirts."

"Dresses and skirts?" I asked.

"Well of course. Honey, your body no longer will fit into male clothes, and I doubt seriously whether you'd want to. You're my daughter now, and Carolyns' sister, and you need to start wearing dresses and skirts more often just like every other girl does, and learning about dressing for everyday and semi-formal events as a girl should."

So, after changing back into my clothes, we all hopped into the car and went off on another one of our shopping sprees. The little plastic card moved freely up and down on the charge machine, and when we were done, I had a whole new wardrobe.

That night, mom told dad that we needed to go out to dinner, so that I could practice going out in public in one of my new dresses. Mom had told me how to sit, act, clear my dress when I sat down, all the things a woman needs to know. Mom corrected me a couple of times, but for the most part I managed to remember everything she had taught me. While it obviously wasn't the first time I had gone out in public as a girl, it was a special occasion since it was a formal experience. I was sure glad of one thing, and that was that Dad was picking up the check. Two hundred bucks for the four of us was more than I could afford on the measly allowance I got!

  

  

Chapter 10: The Emergency

Since our encounter with Mrs. Adams, Charles' mother, I had maintained a hands-off attitude with regard to Charles. Mom and Dad had told me to let his mom determine what was best for him, and that with her attitude, going near him would just stir things up. Even though I wanted to help him they said doing anything would just cause trouble. While I don't listen to all their advice, and I have gotten grounded a few times because of that, in this one thing I did listen to them.

Through the grapevine at school, I heard that Charles was causing trouble, and had gotten suspended for one day. I felt for him, because I felt I knew the cause for his behavior. He had seen me get to do what I needed to do, and his mother wouldn't let him explore his female side. I knew he must feel frustrated, so he must have taken an "I don't care" attitude.

Junior High is a place where boys start to make advances on girls. It's where the sexes really start to divide along gender lines. Boys are expected to act one way, and girls another. A person who is comfortable in their birth gender would have no problems, but a person who is unhappy would be in a constant state of turmoil. In Charles' case, he would be reminded every day when he saw a girl doing her makeup, or just observing her appearance, that he wasn't where he needed to be. I could see where he could have really been down and might turn his frustrations to activities that could get him into trouble.

While he didn't approach me, I knew he saw what I was doing. We had the same lunch period together, so I knew that he saw me wearing female clothing, hanging out with my girlfriends every day at lunch, and if he was like I had been, he was jealous.. yes.. even of me.

It happened that on one Wednesday evening, I was riding in the ambulance with the hospital. They had given me some evening work, with the stipulation from my mom that I had to have my homework done before I went on my excursions in the ambulance. I didn't want to jeopardize these outings and made sure of that. My job was the equipment person. I loaded the ambulance and kept track of where everything was, and handed out gear if we had to go someplace. While we were out riding, we got a 911 call, and were given an address. The call said that an individual had called and had said he was going to commit suicide, that life wasn't worth living. It was obvious that since the person had called, that there was hope that the suicide could be prevented, but we had to proceed immediately to the address to intervene. When I heard the address, I knew it at once.

"Oh God," I thought. "That was Charles address!"

I didn't say anything. My heartbeat was racing a mile a minute. I had gotten involved in this work to find out what helping people was about. Although I only had a measly Red Cross certificate, compared to the other people riding in the ambulance, I was in a position to do some good, even if I was only making a small contribution.

The ambulance screamed as it raced down the streets, twisting and turning as it went. The lights were flashing and the siren was whining. "Get out of my way" it was saying. I could hear the driver raving about the stupidity of drivers ahead of us.

"Don't you understand what these lights and sirens mean? There's someone dying! Get the hell out of my way so I can go save a life. That's what we all went to school to do you morons!"

Eventually the ambulance pulled up in front of Charles' house. While I had only been there once, I remembered it well. It was my job to help carry the equipment from the ambulance to the scene, and I went into automatic mode as I jumped out of the ambulance. The cops had shown up ahead of time as they always did to clear the scene. Charles mom was out for the evening. On a Wednesday night for a fundamentalist Christian person such as her, that could mean only one thing. Attending church.

The front door had been locked, which meant the cops had to kick it in. We went in and saw Charles. He had slit his wrists, and was unconscious. Blood was on the floor beside his wrists, and his face was blue. It was obvious that he had not waited for the paramedics to arrive. He had been serious about doing what he said he was going to do. It was obvious he thought life wasn't worth living.

I quickly dropped my equipment boxes on the floor inside and proceeded to open them up. The paramedics took over and started to work.

"He's lost a lot of blood. Hank, you apply pressure to his left wrist. Jennifer, you apply pressure to his right wrist. We need to stop the bleeding. I'll start a blood transfusion and you bandage the wrists" the head paramedic shouted to the other paramedic and me.

"But I'm not certified" I said protesting his command, remembering that the hospital had told me I needed to let the paramedics do the work.

"I only have two hands and I can't do everything. Hank's got his work cut out for him. I need you to stop that bleeding or we run the risk of losing him. I'll assume responsibility. We have to stop the bleeding or else he could die."

I didn't question the order a second time to put pressure on the wrist, but quickly did as I was told. My first aid classes had told me.. stop the bleeding at all cost. I had been squeamish about blood in the past, but this was different now. A human life was hanging in the balance, so I put my hand over the wound and applied pressure as I watched the the head paramedic go to the open equipment case and setup the blood bag and needle. Then all of a sudden I heard a voice screaming.

"Get your hands off my son" a voice yelled. "You killed my son.. you.. queer!"

I looked around and saw Mrs. Adams standing there. Obviously the police had let her through the crowd that had gathered outside and she was standing a short distance in distress, looking at me as I was doing what I had been told.

"Mrs. Adams, Charles is hurt. We're trying to help him" I said without thinking.

"Help him?" she asked quizzically. "You're the reason he did this. Oh my God, my son, you get away from him, you queer."

The paramedic working with me had just bandaged up Charles' wrist and told me I was done. He then started bandaging the wrist I had been on, and as he did so, he looked up at the scene Mrs. Adams was creating. He must have had experience with hysterical people before, because he called to the police officer standing nearby.

"Who let her through? Get her out of here. She's interfering with our work."

The nearby cop went into auto-pilot. Their job was to keep the scene clear of interference so the paramedics could do their job. Cops must be stronger than they look, because I saw him dragging Mrs. Adams away as she screamed.

"Leave him alone.. get your hands off of him" she said glaring at me as she was escorted back outside.

Once the bandages were applied, and the blood transfusion begun, Charles was stabilized, and he was moved to the stretcher and we hurriedly got him to the ambulance. Mrs. Adams was standing nearby with the police officer that had escorted her outside, and she was screaming "Get away from him" at me as we got him in the ambulance and took off for the hospital.

Inside the ambulance, one of the paramedics was monitoring Charles. The other was on standby temporarily in case complications occurred.

"Why was that woman yelling at you like that?" the paramedic sitting next to me asked.

I paused, then replied.

"You all were told of my situation, right?" I asked.

"Of course" he said. "We were all briefed before you started riding with us."

"Her son, Charles, feels the same way I do, but she won't let him explore his feelings. Charles probably did this because he hates his life, and doesn't see any possibility of getting help. She blames me for this."

"Nothing is worth killing yourself over. If he hates his life that much, his mother should let him get help" he replied.

"I know. My parents tried to understand. Charles' mother didn't".

It was lucky that the hospital was nearby. We pulled into the emergency parking lot, and I hopped out of the back. I got out of the way as the two paramedics rushed down the emergency room hallway. He was in good hands with Hank and John. As they left, I started gathering equipment which I was responsible for out of the ambulance and taking it back to the emergency room supply station.

The incident had its effect on me. I was glad that my shift was over when I finished checking all the equipment in and the nurse at the supply station told me I could go. I promptly went home and poured my soul out to my mother.

"Mom, tonight was horrible. We got a 911 call, and it was Charles Adams. He tried to commit suicide and I know why. His mother was there yelling and screaming at me saying I was the reason her son had tried to kill himself."

Mom was a good listener, and I was thankful for that. She listened patiently as I told her about the horrible experience.

"Honey, you did your job, and that's all you could do. It is unfortunate that it had to be Charles, and that you were on that call. I know you were just trying to help, and that woman certainly didn't help the situation one bit. It is unfortunate that she can't listen to her child and try to help him, rather than ranting about the Bible, but we can't do anything about it. Do you understand that? We can't fix the world. A person, Charles mother, has to decide she'll be open-minded and listen. We can't force her or anybody else to do what we think they should do. All we have control over is our own lives. Other people have to make their own decisions."

"I know, mom, but all this could have been avoided if she would have just listened to him. I remember the night we went to her house. She just kept quoting the Bible. She just seems like such a fanatic. It just seems like her religion gets in the way of being reasonable. I love you so much for listening and helping me. If only Charles had that same opportunity, all of this could have been avoided."

"Shhhhh" she said. "Just try to put it behind you. Charles and his mother will just have to work things out for themselves. And anyway, school is going to be out very shortly. I think we can forget all of this by going on a nice vacation at the beach."

She was right of course. That night, I learned that to be happy, you have to pursue your own dreams, despite what other people might think or what they thought was right for you to do.

  

  

Chapter 11: Escape

School was finally out and we planned our vacation in Florida for late July. Up until that point, I had pretty much been limiting my friendship with Kathy and Rhonda to school, although we had gone to the mall a few times. Their friendship had helped me fit in with the other kids, and I thought it was about time that I showed them my gratitude for helping me, so I asked my mom if they could come along on the trip.

"Well, we are going to be gone for three weeks, and it will cost money to have them along, but your father has a good job, so it might be all-right. I'll talk to him and let you know."

"Thanks mom" I said hopefully.

In the meantime, I started hanging out with them and going to the mall, and just doing a lot of stuff that girls normally do. On one trip to the mall, I got my ears pierced. I was already looking and dressing like a girl full-time anyway, so when they told me I ought to do it, I took them up on it, and came home with gold studs in my ears. With everything that was behind me, my mom didn't say much of anything, except that they looked nice and it was just something that every girl did.

One thing that surprised me was how the hormones I was taking changed the way I thought. Maybe it was the fact that deep down I had female feelings waiting to emerge, and maybe the hormones were helping also, but one day I got a surprise. I had gone to the mall on a Tuesday night with my two friends. There was the usual teen saturation there, and the three of us were at the food court having a soda. We were just sitting there talking when all of a sudden, across the large room, I saw this guy. He was probably our age, maybe a year older, and I just kept staring at him while Rhonda went on talking. Finally, the two of them noticed what was going on and that I wasn't with them and brought me back to reality.

"Hey," said Rhonda, "cute guy?"

Her comment jolted me back to the present conversation.

"What did you say?" I asked.

"He's sorta cute, isn't he?" she replied.

"Yeah," I said as I blushed. "I guess.. sort of".

It was difficult to realize what I had just done. I had never looked at a guy like that before, and yet there it was. I had looked at him and thought he was kind of cute. The funny thing was that I was doing it before I realized what I was doing, so when I did realize it, it was a shock.

Kathy noticed my surprise and said, "You've never looked at a guy before like that, have you?"

"No," I replied, "but then I was never a girl before either."

"Welcome to being a girl" she answered. "You better watch out, some guy might think you're cute too and start checking you out. Get used to it too, guys just do that. And sometimes, they start having conversations with my boobs."

They both laughed, and that was about the end of the conversation, whereupon we changed gears to something else. However, it made me realize that not only was I becoming a girl physically, but also mentally.

When I got home, I talked to Carolyn and Mom about the experience. They both laughed.

"Well, its just normal for a girl to look at a guy like that." Carolyn said.

"There's nothing wrong with it at all" said my mother. "After all, you are a girl. I would be concerned if you weren't thinking like that."

"But it was such a shock" I replied. "I caught myself doing that unconsciously.. that's what was so surprising to me."

Mom didn't say much more about the situation, but she made a mental note about the experience. When we had our next meeting with Dr. Williams, she let her know what had happened, and then I related how the thought caught me by surprise. Dr. Williams said that it wasn't surprising. The hormones did change the brain chemistry, and that plus living as a female generally had the effect of making a true transsexual begin to THINK female on an unconscious level. It was a good sign that this was the right thing.

*****

Eventually, Mom and Dad had talked over the vacation, and it was decided that if Kathy's and Rhonda's parents were ok with it, then it was ok with them. Mom explained to me that although my body had changed considerably, I was still technically a boy, and though we knew that this wouldn't be the case for too many more years, Rhonda and Kathy were girls, and their parents had to be ok with this arrangement.

Mom and Dad had Kathy's and Rhonda's parents over one night to discuss the trip. They related a lot of the things that had happened to me, and mom told them as far as she was concerned, I was just a girl going through all the experiences just like any other girl. She also told them that they would be supervising most everything, and even offered for them to come along if they wanted.

Plans were made and the three families would all go, and so in late July, we took off for Florida. I had been to the beach before, but never as Jennifer. It was there I got introduced to Maxi Pads. Mom had bought a one piece suit for me, and told me I needed to wear one to keep things snug and in place. I didn't complain too much. I had thought about them anyway as part of just thinking about being a girl. Wearing one made me feel very aware of being a girl.

One thing about going on a trip like this is that you become very close to the people you go with. Kathy, Rhonda, and I had so much fun. The parents were also very observant.

"You're ok with your child becoming your daughter?" asked Rhonda's mom one day as they sat on the beach watching us swim.

"Look at her.. how does she seem to you?" mom replied.

"Like a happy young girl" was the answer.

"Exactly. I don't see how I can deny her when she was unhappy with herself before we started all this, and now seems to be so much happier. And she seems happy being with Rhonda and Kathy as just another girl."

*****

After the three weeks ended, we all came back, exhausted from the vacation. I had had so much fun, and I had cemented my friendship with Rhonda and Kathy. Their parents had also seen me up close, and realized I was genuine.

One night, mom made the comment that it was obvious to her that a person overcomes their fear of something by facing it and experiencing it. She had seen how the other parents had originally had some fears, but after they had gotten to know me and had seen how comfortable I was with myself, their fears were laid to rest. I was who I said I was; an emerging girl. Mom made the comment also that it was too bad that Charles' mother hadn't been willing to get to know us and me. Perhaps her religious views would have changed.

*****

It was only a week or so before school and my one year mark was coming up. It was also time for my monthly visit with Dr. Williams, so off we went.

"How are you doing young lady?" Dr Williams started off.

As I thought about her comment, I thought how that phrase was becoming more and more appropriate.

"I'm ok. We just got back from three weeks at the beach. It was fun."

"And how did you get along with your two girlfriends?" she asked.

It was obvious mom had already been talking to her about the experience.

"It was fun." I replied. "We did everything together."

"Did you feel comfortable with them?" Dr. Williams continued. "As a girl I mean?"

"Yes. Well, we just did stuff together. I thought about being a girl with them."

"And did you ever think about what it was like before, being a boy? Comparing then to now?" asked Dr. Williams.

"Well, maybe once or twice" I replied.

"So you kind of felt in-the-middle.. glad you were getting to be a girl, but sometimes realizing that you were still a boy making your transition? Or were you completely comfortable with where you were and who you were?"

"Both, I guess" I said.

"That's good. You're making progress. And that's normal. You're still adjusting to everything. It takes time to fully get comfortable with your new life and gender, even though from what I've seen, it seems this is what you really want and need. You've also gone through a lot of changes in the past year. Do you feel comfortable with what has happened? Do you like yourself more than you did when we started all this?" she asked.

I thought to myself, this seems like twenty questions.

"Yes, I really like the changes that have happened to me, and yes, I feel like I don't have to think as much about who I am. I feel like I'm doing something positive about the problem, and that makes me feel good."

"Jennifer" Dr. Williams asked, "all of this could be undone. It would be difficult at this point, however, but it could be undone. What if I gave you that opportunity to undo it all and go back to the way things were? You're younger than most transsexuals are and you still have your life ahead of you. Have you thought about what's ahead? The sex change? Your life as a woman? You know, once it's done, it's a permanent thing."

"But I like myself, Dr. Williams" I replied. "For once I'm happy."

"You like the changes your body has gone through you mean." she asked, probing.

"Oh yes." I said, looking at my breasts.

Dr. Williams noticed that, and asked an earlier question again, in another way.

"But what if we could take your breasts off and start putting your body back to what it was? And, putting your life and interactions with others back to what they were? Some people going through this decide to go back to being males, and they're eventually ok with it and lead normal lives."

I looked at my mom with a horrified look.

"Mom, this isn't what this visit is all about, is it? She's not going to make me go back, is she?"

I paused and then looked back at Dr. Williams.

"You're not going to make me go back to being a boy are you? I like my breasts. I don't ever want to be without them. I like how my body is, and I like how my mom and sister have been treating me, and how my friends are treating me. It feels so good being a girl, having my girlfriends. I don't want to be Jeffrey, ever again. Why are you asking me all this? I thought you were going to HELP me become a girl."

"Well," she responded, "it's about the one year mark since you came to see me, and I must say you've developed remarkably. You haven't reached your full development, but then no girl does in only a year. Still, you have changed dramatically, just as I thought you would. The fact that you started so young has been to your advantage. The hormones have done a marvelous job on you, and I expect you'll be developing even more. I just wanted to make sure about how you felt, because from here, we need to take some serious steps. Not that what you've done so far hasn't been serious, but the next things we do are going to really cement this whole process. I simply wanted to make sure we're doing the right thing, and that we're not moving too fast, or don't need to stop all this."

"What things are you talking about?" my mom asked.

"Well from here, the two things that have to take place are changing your name, and then having your sex reassignment surgery. I'm not sure if you're quite ready to change your name just yet. I want to make sure when we do that you are really comfortable with who you are, I mean pretty much no reservations, and that you've learned as much as you can about living in the other sex. But, I do think you've made excellent progress up until now."

She paused, then asked yet another question.

"And speaking of the surgery, let me ask something else. Have you thought about what the surgery will mean? It's one of those things you can't change your mind about once it's done. That will involve turning your penis into a vagina. Are you ready for that?"

I thought to myself "gee, she's asked me this before, but I guess she's just doing her job". Then I looked at my mom, who was wearing jeans. I saw how the jeans fit her and how beautiful that was. Then I looked down at my pants. With all the hormones, Mr. Winky was'nt putting up much resistance, and my body was gradually starting to take on the same shape as my mothers body. I didn't want to stop. I wanted to be just like her in every way just as much as I did when we began all this.

"Yes Dr. Willians" I replied, "I want to be just like my mother."

"And mom, you all are still ok with this?" Dr. Williams asked. "Since Jennifer is a minor, we can't do anything without parental consent."

"Over the last year, we've seen how much happier Jennifer is. We're ready to have her as our daughter completely."

"Well, then," continued Dr. Williams, "I'd like for you to start looking into which surgeon you'd like to have perform Jennifers sex change. I'm not saying she can do that right now, but it never hurts to start your research early. I normally let the girls under my care do that so they can make their own decision. With parental consent, I think we can get this taken care of before Jennifer is 18. We normally wait until 18, but we might be able to do it at 16. Maybe 15, especially because we've started so early. I'm not sure if 15 is a doable thing, but we can wait and see. If things continue as they are, and Jennifers development continues, the earlier we get this taken care of, the better it will be for her. So, I want you to continue doing what you're doing, and if all goes well, we'll have Jennifers name changed by this time next year. That's a good goal to aim for, don't you think, Jennifer?"

"You bet" I answered.

  

  

Chapter 12: Old habits die hard

It was time for school to start again. The teenage years are supposed to be a time of fun and care-free living, that is, if you fit in with everyone else and are in the mold that everyone expects you to be in. I was in eighth grade now. Most people had come to accept me the previous year. I thought all would be ok, until I arrived at school the first day. As the bus I rode got closer to the school, I saw something was going on. It was then that I got a dose of reality about how strong people's feelings are, and how hard attitudes and habits die.

Outside the school were parents marching with signs. As I got off the bus, I saw Mrs. Adams among the crowd and I knew immediately what it must be about. I stood there in horror as the signs went around in a circle. Students were walking around the protesters to get into school. I tried to hide myself in a group of the students as I approached the school. As I did, I saw the signs.

My son met a transsexual and ran away

God makes the real thing

Man can only make copies

Choose life and God

Not death and transsexualism

I finally got into school, but not until after I took some verbal abuse by Mrs. Adams who had recognized me. They shouted "Jesus loves you, stop your sinful ways and come back to Him" and other phrases. I never realized people could be so abusive. What had I done? Who had I harmed? I was only trying to sort out my life, and I had only tried to help someone else that had been hurting the same way I had been hurting.

While at school, I found out that Charles Adams had run away from home over the summer. After he tried to commit suicide, I suppose he felt he couldn't even take his own life right, and didn't want to deal with a mother who wouldn't help him, so he just wanted to get away.

* * *

The scene had created a stir. When I got home after school, I wasn't surprised that the incident was on the news. My parents sat glued to the TV as they saw one of the local reporters interviewing the marching parents.

"I'm Lisa Richards from Channel 6 news, and we're standing here in front of Carver Jr. High, where parents are marching in protest. I'm standing here with Mary Adams who has organized this protest. Can you tell us who you are, and why you are marching?" asked the Channel 6 reporter.

"Yes, I'm Mary Adams, and we're organizing a group called Christians for Moral Children. We're marching to protest the school's policy to permit students who engage in a-moral behavior to attend this school."

"This looks like a fairly normal school" replied the reporter. "Exactly what what a-moral behavior are you referring to?"

"Last year this school permitted a student to come to school as a girl, when in fact the student is a boy. It also permitted the student to attend while they were taking cross-sex hormones, preparing to have a sex change operation. We don't think that's good school policy, and we think that these types of ideas are those that could pollute our children's minds. Maybe some school districts are ok with this, but we want our kids to grow up to be normal. We don't want them influenced by ideas that will destroy our community and their lives."

"You mentioned last year" the reporter probed further. "If this happened last year, then why did you wait until today to protest?"

"Earlier this summer, through the Freedom of Information Act, we were able to access the students that were enrolled here for this school year. We found that the same student is still enrolled. Had the student been dropped from the school roll, we wouldn't have to be here today, but that's not the case. If the student is going to participate in this type of behavior, we want him to go somewhere else."

"What about the idea that education should be available to all students? Wouldn't this action be taken as denying the student a basic right?" Ms. Richards asked.

"We're not denying the student from getting an education. There are lots of ways that can happen, through traditional classroom, internet classrooms, home schooling. We just don't want this type of behavior influencing our students, and giving them any crazy ideas. Period!".

"Do you plan on taking any other actions besides just marching?"

"Yes, I have friends in the school system, and we're trying to bring pressure to assemble the school board to try to get a decision in our favor."

"I see" said Ms. Richards. Then turning back to the camera, she concluded the interview.. "Well there you have it. Parents concerned about their children. I'm sure we'll be seeing more as this drama unfolds. Back to you in the Channel 6 newsroom."

*****

Dad got up and switched off the news as he saw the interview before sitting down to dinner. I could tell he was agitated.

"That woman! Who does she think she is? Does she think she can ruin my daughters life just because she doesn't like what she's doing? What business is it of hers what we allow our child to do? It's not like she's going to make someone else want to be a girl, unless of course they have those same feelings already.".

"You know it and I know it, dear," said my mother, "but this is a subject that most people don't deal with, and they don't understand it. We didn't understand it either until Jennifer came to us and told us about her problem. We can see how much happier she is, but for Mrs. Adams, well her son ran away and she blames Jennifer for it. Plus, she can't get past her religious convictions, and religious reasons plus feelings of personal revenge don't make a good mixture. I'm not surprised she's doing this. She thinks she's protecting others from something horrible, even though we know that Jennifer wouldn't do anything to try to "talk anybody else into this". Right honey?"

"Mom, it's not for just anybody. I bet most kids, even most people, feel just fine with who they are. And I'm really happy for them. In fact, I wish I had been ok with who I was, but I wasn't. I knew I needed to be a girl, and even now, I'm so much happier. Thank you both for letting me become your daughter. I love being her. And Mom, I love sharing all the things you've taught me about being your daughter. I LOVE being her. Thank you for that."

"Honey," dad answered, "nothing is going to change any of that. I'll see to that. I know some people in the school too, and I'll go talk to them. Honey.." he said and paused.

"Yes daddy?" I answered.

"We're going to see this through, and stop her. We're going to stand behind you, all the way, even up to and including your surgery."

And so there it was. My dad had started out with tremendous reservations, but he had been won over. I had a fierce tiger in my corer, and nothing was going to stop him from doing everything he could to make my dream a reality.

*****

Dad had contacted a few people he knew on the school board, and the night of the board meeting finally came. Mrs. Adams had made the meeting her personal agenda, and Dad had done his preparation in case Mrs. Adams tried to make it a circus.

As was customary procedure, the board meeting started with mandatory business, and after that was over, the meeting was opened to public concerns. Mrs. Adams, having been hurt by her son running away, wasted no time making her voice heard.

"Madam chairman, I want to bring up the subject of Jennifer Rogers, a student in this school system who is attending, falsely, as a girl."

The school board was agitated at this, including Dr. Nealy, our principal, who always sat in on the board.

"Do we have to discuss this? Can't we talk about this privately?" asked the chairman.

"No," said Mrs. Adams. "I've given the school system the last year to do something about this, and nothing acceptable has happened. So, this needs to be brought before the public and the school board and a decision for decency needs to be made to remove this sinful behavior from our school system."

"Very well, proceed."

The chairman knew that legally speaking, she had to listen to all parental concerns, even if they were about issues that the board would have rather dealt with behind closed doors. And so with the boards permission, Mrs. Adams began to speak.

"Members of the school board," started Mrs. Adams, "I was a concerned parent like many of you. My goals as a parent were to make sure my child received the best quality education, so that he could reach his potential and become a happy and productive member of our society. Charles was a bright student, and showed aptitude in math and science. He particularly liked space and planes and I suspect, had things gone according to his interests, he could have made a fine engineer of some sort. Unfortunately, Charles met a fellow student who had the crazy idea that instead of being a boy, as they were born, they wanted to be a girl. My son was infected with this sickness and sinful thinking after talking to this student, and told me at home one night that he wanted to be a girl too. The parents of this child even came and visited me and tried to talk me into letting Charles become a girl. The incidents totally destroyed my life. I tried to talk to Charles about what God demands from our life, but Charles had been already affected by this student. Charles ran away, and it has only been within the last week that I found out that his body was found. My baby was murdered in another city and I'll never see him again. I'll never be able to celebrate his birthday. I'll never be able to hear his infectious laughter. I'll never be able to see his smile, nor will I get to be a grandparent and enjoy his children. More importantly, he'll never be able to realize his potential, to help others, or do anything. They say that people should be able to do their own thing as long as it doesn't harm anybody else, but here's a good example of how that thinking is a fallacy, and our behavior does in fact affect other people. Someone's behavior did in fact influence someone else's life. Had this other student not been allowed to practice their sinful behavior, my child would probably be alive today and this board meeting wouldn't be necessary."

Mrs. Adams paused, and then continued.

"All of this happened because the school policies let some confused male student come to school as a girl. They didn't exercise good, proven, sound moral judgement, and keep this kind of behavior out of our schools. Also, I'm not the only one that feels this way. I've organized other parents that feel the same way and want to protect their children. We, the Christians for Moral Children come to voice our concern that the schools should be places where our children can come and learn, and not be bombarded with behavior that will destroy their lives. I come, along with my coalition, tonight to appeal to the justice of the school board, and I ask that this student be removed from the school system so that no other parents child is affected by this students behavior like my child was affected."

Having stated her opening remarks, Mrs. Adams fell silent, waiting for the response from the school board.

"That's a tremendous accusation you bring to the school board. What you're saying is that we, as the school board, and the school system, are irresponsible regarding school policy, and that our decisions don't protect the interest of the student body. Plus, you are holding us responsible for the death of your child. Do you realize the gravity of your statements?" the chairman asked Mrs. Adams.

"Madame chairman" responded Mrs. Adams, I realize that had a sound, moral, school policy been in effect at an earlier time, we probably wouldn't have to be here now."

The board had a short conference, and then the chairman began to speak again.

"Mrs. Adams," began the chairman, "I don't recall seeing you at a lot of school board meetings in the past. Had you been in attendance over the past year, you would have known that this issue with the student you mention has been discussed and a policy formulated already. We were told of this student when they originally started their attendance as a female, and we set strict guidelines about how this topic should be handled, and the behavior that should be expected from the student."

"You knew about this student a year ago?" asked Mrs. Adams, astonished. "Why didn't you inform the parents of other students?" she asked in a demanding tone.

"Simply because we wanted to avoid emotional responses like you are giving right now. We realized this is a delicate subject, and that some parents might become very upset over the matter, just as you have become. We thought perhaps we could allow the student to continue with their education and avoid a confrontation if we put strict guidelines in place and made sure the student followed them."

"Well," said Mrs. Adams, "I guess you see what happens when you participate in sinful behavior. You are asking for problems when you let sin into the school. Other people's lives are affected when you let a student interact and force their opinions on other students. If the school system had been following a moral, Godly standard, we wouldn't be having this problem."

"Madam chairman, may I respond to that?" asked Dr. Nealy.

"Certainly" said the chairman, and the microphone was handed to the principal of the school.

"Mrs. Adams," Dr. Nealy began, "I can certainly appreciate how you must feel. I have a child in the school system also, and if anything happened to her, I would be very upset. However, as school principal, you must understand that I walk a very narrow tightrope. You mention that we should have a godly, moral, standard in place that tolerates no sinful behavior, but I ask you, whose standard do we put in place? I have been briefed that you are of a fundamentalist Christian faith, is that true?"

"Yes" answered Mrs. Adams, "I believe the Bible is our sole source of guidance and instruction. It is authority and we can look to it for all our needs."

"I see" said Dr. Nealy. "Well, were I to draw my position from the Christian Bible, I would likely offend other parents who have students attending which are not of the Christian faith. And were I to draw my position from sources other than the Bible, I would likely offend you. We are in the business of education, and the last thing I want is a fight from the parents on what is right and wrong. There are behaviors that we can certainly discourage, such as fighting, consuming drugs, and other things which shouldn't be done on school property because they are disruptive to learning, but to pass moral judgement is not something we care to get involved in. It's the job of the parent to teach their values to the child, not ours. Were we to do that, my phone would be ringing all day long."

"So what you're saying is that because you don't want to deal with making a decision and setting a moral standard, you won't use any guidelines at all? That's real intelligent!" said Mrs. Adams sarcastically, interrupting the principal.

"Mrs. Adams," continued Dr. Nealy, "I listened to you. I expect the same courtesy from you please. You brought up two points. Let me speak to both of them before you interrupt."

That rebuff silenced the room. Dr. Nealy continued once she saw she had control again.

"Secondly, regarding the student being allowed to force their opinion on other students, we realized that the problem that the student was dealing with, I might add which is a known medical problem, might foster curiosity by other students, and the other students might want to ask questions. We told the family that the student should be prepared to answer questions if they were asked, but that she should let the students draw their own conclusions. We never said that the student should be allowed to 'shove her opinion down someone elses throat' as the expression goes. To my knowledge, the student in question has abided by the position set forth. I have interviewed other students that the student in question knows, and what I'm hearing is that your son approached the student in question wanting to find out what was going on. From what I'm hearing, the student did not initiate the exchange."

"Your position is unacceptable, and you're sidestepping the issue. I can't help what sort of position you're in. You choose what type of policies you make, The school plainly allowed a student with a deviant immoral behavior to attend, and now you see the fruits of your decision. If that hadn't happened, my son would still be alive. I want to know what action you are prepared to take to make sure this student can't influence anybody else. If you don't do that, all the boys will want to be girls" said Mrs. Adams forcefully.

"Mrs. Adams," Dr. Nealy replied, "you're proceeding from the assumption that all the blame lies with us, and that its our fault completely that your son is now gone from you. I was briefed that your son had a similar problem as the student you're referring to, and that he went to her to get help that you wouldn't give him. I also understand that the student in question had compassion on him and wanted to come over and help you understand what was going on with him, but you rejected the idea that perhaps your son had a problem that could be dealt with.

I don't like to get involved in family matters. As I said, we try to leave the personal matters up to the parents to deal with as they see fit, but it would seem that you ignored the problem because you thought it was immoral and against your religious views, and your child couldn't deal with the fact that you wouldn't help him. Could that be the reason your son ran away?"

"Are you trying to tell me I'm a bad parent? I loved my child" Mrs. Adams said defensively. "I obviously loved him more than YOU ever could. I tried to bring him up according to the ways of the Bible, the only truth that we can ever have, and according to Jesus, the highest name we know. If you, the school board, and if our society, would do likewise, we could avoid all the problems of sin we have to deal with."

Then Mrs. Adams fell silent for a minute. She reached into her purse and pulled out her Bible and a prepared statement and resumed speaking again.

"This all could have been avoided if the school system, and if our society, just followed the teachings of Jesus and God. The bible tells us that our behavior, and the fruits of that behavior, are a function of what we put into our minds. God tells us in his Holy Bible that we are to flee from all forms of sin, that to entertain sin is asking for trouble. It also says that God created male and female, and that to entertain alternate sexual preferences is to believe a lie and sin against God. It also says that believing that lie and participating in that behavior leads to destruction, and I think you'd agree that my life has pretty much been destroyed by this deviant behavior that you've bought into. It says specifically in Romans chapter 1 that man knew the truth of God, but he exchanged it for his own truth, so that men could lie with other men as men were supposed to be with women, and women were with women as God intended women to be with men. It also says. . ."

As Mrs. Adams said these last words, Dr. Nealy broke in.

"I understand you are upset, but we didn't convene this school board meeting to have a prayer service, nor do we want to be preached at. I'm deeply sorry for your loss, but I stand behind the decision this school board made. We had it on good medical authority that the student in question had a known medical problem, and was proceeding under approved medical care. I'm no doctor, and I'm not going to pronounce judgement on the family whose child is involved. What they do with their children is up to them. My job is to provide a quality environment where students can learn, and where all students and families concerns are considered. If I play favorites, or if I foster someones religious viewpoints at the expense of another students viewpoints, I run the risk of playing God. This country was founded on the view that all should be able to exercise the freedom of choice. I'm here to make sure that happens, provided it doesn't interfere with the education of the child."

"You're wrong!!" screamed Mrs. Adams. "This country was founded on bible believing Christians and Christian principles. God's word never condones sexual deviation of this type, and the Bible says that this behavior destroys lives and famalies. Your decision makes a mockery of our Christian principles."

It was obvious that Mrs. Adams was emotionally upset. It was getting difficult for her to be objective. At this point, all eyes were fixed on the two principal players and the banter that was going on between them.

"Mrs. Adams," said Dr. Nealy, "I'm not here to debate religion. That's why I hoped this subject could be avoided in public. It can get nasty, and emotions flare. When religion is involved, people can't be objective. The student you've been referring to has done nothing wrong. I don't see that there is any reason to remove them from the school. I'm deeply sorry that your son has died, but as I said, maybe if he had gotten some professional help and some understanding, this would have never happened. The school board, I think, stands behind my position that as long as the student doesn't do anything to disrupt school, does his or her work, and learns what they need to learn, we don't have any problem with them attending. Jennifer Rodgers has done exactly that, therefore I have no intention of removing her from this school system."

"That's your position then? To do nothing?" asked Mrs. Adams as she started to sob softly. "You're going to ignore everything I've said, including what God has to say about this?"

"That's the boards position" said the chairman, jumping in and speaking in place of the principal.

"Then that just proves that we do live in a godless society" responded Mrs. Adams. "Very well, but understand, you haven't heard the last from me."

And with that, and in tears, she and her coalition members left the school board meeting. Reporters who had been attending the meeting caught up with Mrs. Adams as she left the building and interviewed her. Her statements were in the news for the next couple of days.

  

  

Chapter 13: Progress

After the school board meeting, things went back to normal, and the school year went zooming by. Before I knew it, the school year was over, and summer was half gone.

I had been on the hormones for two full years, and my body was so female that I could hardly remember, except for pictures, what I looked like before I started.

"My my," my mother said one July day, "You're a solid B cup now, maybe even a little larger, and look at your figure. You're beautiful."

"Yeah, except for…" I replied.

"Sshhhh.. she said. You're a girl now, and you know you won't have that forever. Soon enough, you'll have your surgery and that problem will be behind you."

"Oh mother," I said. "I want it now."

"Well, this Friday is our appointment with Dr. Williams. She and I were talking, and I think she is going to approve you for getting your name changed. Once that happens, I think your approval for your sex change will happen."

And my mom was right. We had our meeting with Dr. Williams. She asked me a few questions, and then told us that she was satisfied with my progress, and that we needed to get my name changed. After she signed the papers, she asked us if we had been doing research on the surgeon we wanted to have do my surgery. We told her we had, and she then instructed us to make the necessary appointments. Apparantly, standards of care had changed, and she informed me that I could probably get my sex changed at age 15.

As we left the doctors office and were in the car, mom turned and spoke to me.

"Well, honey, most kids are getting their licenses at 15 or 16. But you're getting to have your sex changed instead. Do you think that's a fair trade?"

"Oh mom, I can't wait!" I answered.

In August, before school started, we went to see a judge to get my name changed. He looked at the papers that Dr. Williams had signed, asked a few questions, and put his signature on the document we had brought with us. Dad paid some money and it was all done. It's amazing what you can do when you have the bucks.

That school year, my freshman year, seemed to drag by, but it was finally over. The surgery had been scheduled for the following summer, and when the year was over, we met once again with Dr. Williams.

"Well, young lady, you've been through a lot. Three years is a lot of time to wait, I know, but here we are now" she said as she signed the final papers. "I'm OK'ing your papers for your surgeon. Your surgery date is in two weeks, isn't it?"

"Yes," my dad replied. "We fly to Colorado on the 14^th, and well, when Jennifer comes home, she'll be our daughter completely. You ready for that sweetheart?"

"Oh daddy, you know I am. All I ever wanted was to be your daughter, and thanks to you and mom, now I can be."

"Hey, now don't get too gushy on me guys" Dr. Williams interjected with a laugh.

"Mom," continued Dr. Williams, "I've spoken to you about caring for your daughter after surgery, are you all prepared, and do you have the supplies we talked about?"

"Yes," my mom replied, "I've purchased all the feminine products and everything else she'll need. We're ready."

"Good." Said Dr. Williams. "She's going to need the care a mother can provide her."

And with the papers signed, we left her office.

*****

Finally the date of my surgery came. We had flown up to Colorado, and I had gotten all checked in. We were in the hospital room and the doctor walked in and greeted us. He asked me if I was ready, and I told him I was. I said my good-byes and was wheeled off to surgery."

"Mom," said Carolyn as I disappeared down the hallway, "now Jennifer is finally going to be happy, isn't she?"

"Yes, honey, now she can simply move on and be who she always was. She's going to need our help when she gets back home."

"I know mom, but we'll take good care of her, right?" asked Carolyn, who was home for the summer.

"You bet we will", mom answered.

*****

After the surgery, I was in post-op care at the hospital, and then I finally got to go home. Mom had bought everything I needed, and dilation, douching, and using the sanitary pads was my routine. Mom showed me how to do everything. I felt so close to her as she was helping take care of me. I didn't complain one bit. While it got to be routine and boring, I did what needed to be done religiously, and I was sure glad she was around to help when I needed it.

One day, after going through my daily ritual, and while cleaning up, mom came into my bedroom. I was sitting on my bed naked and she sat down next to me.

"Well," she said, "you've been been very diligent in doing what the doctor has told you to do. Mind if I take a look and see how things are healing up?"

"Sure mom," I said, and spread my legs apart letting her see the new me.

"My.. " she said, shaking her head. "It's absolutely amazing. There's some bruising, but its unbelievable. You look just like any other genetic girl. The doctor did a wonderful job. Want to take a look?"

"Uh-huh" I replied.

She held a mirror between my legs and I could see what I had been feeling every day now since the surgery.

"Like what you see, honey?" she asked.

"Oh mom, it looks wonderful, just like I knew it would. And it feels wonderful too. I finally have a body just like you and Carolyn, and I can't describe how good it feels to finally be happy with what and who I am. It's better than I ever thought it would be."

"You don't miss Mr. Winky?" she asked.

"Miss him?" I said turning my head looking at her. "Heavens no. Look at me. I have long hair, I'm pretty, and look at my body. I'm a girl, and I can wear panties, a bra, and womens clothes just like you and Carolyn. It's getting difficult to remember what Mr. Winky ever felt like, and mom, I really don't have any desire to remember that. Why would I want to? I'm happy now. Everything feels so good on me with just the way things are. I just feel so comfortable being a girl. I couldn't imagine ever going back."

"Well, honey," my mom said, "I'm just glad you're happy. All the money we spent on your surgery is worth it if you're happy with yourself."

"Oh mom, I am. I just can't thank you and dad enough" I said as I gave her a big hug.

*****

That night we went out to dinner. I wasn't completely healed, so wearing a skirt was what I needed to wear. Loose clothing the doctor had told me until everything healed. As I sat there at the restauraunt, I just kept thinking about how wonderful it was that everything fit right in all the right places.

Finally everything healed up, and I was back on a normal schedule. The next few years went flying by, and before I knew it, I was graduating from high school. During that time, some boys had asked me out, and I got to experience what dating as a girl was about. It was fun, and I learned to flirt, and learned what it was like to do a little teasing, and to be in control while doing the teasing. And, some boys, just like my girlfriends had told me, had a hard time looking me in the face and had conversations with my boobs, but that was ok too. If I didn't have them, that wouldn't have been possible. I just let it slide, and thought about how nice it was to be a girl.

At school, my records had been changed long ago, and as I walked across that stage at graduation, I heard my name, Jennifer Rodgers, being called. During high school, I stayed true to my desires of being a doctor, and had taken all the math, chemistry, biology, and science subjects I could take. We all went to dinner after the graduation ceremony and discussed my future plans. I had been accepted to our local state university for the fall as a pre-med student.

And what lies ahead in the future? Stay tuned and see..

The End…. For now

  

  

  

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