Andie's Halloween

by Wanda Cunningham

 

The cabbie, Elise Fremont, looked in her mirror at Andie Mann in the back seat. Such a pretty girl, she thought, why did she mess up her looks with all those tattoos and piercings? Aloud she said, "I ain't never had anybody ask me to follow a cop car before."

"Yeah? Well, it won't be hard will it, all that noise and light? I wonder where they're going?"

"We'll find out. What's this all about, anyway?"

"Um," Andie debated what to tell the cabbie. "It's my niece," Kelly's almost my niece, she told herself. "She was kidnapped in my car."

"Holy crud!" said Elise. "How old is she?"

"Twelve but she looks younger, tiny blonde with pixie curls." Andie bit her lip, chewing carefully around the piercing there; she had curled and dyed Kelly's hair herself only hours ago. "She's just the cutest thing."

Elise made a clucking noise.

"If anything happens to her..." Andie trailed off. Tears leaked out of her eyes when she closed them for a moment. She wiped them off her cheeks with the back of her hand and sighed. "Please, Kelly, be okay," she said.

Elise stopped the cab at the red light on Harbor Boulevard that the cops had all gone through using their lights and sirens. "I'm not going to jump this light, some fool might broadside us 'cause he'd be mad he had to wait on a green light for the cops to pass."

"All right," agreed Andie. Costa Mesa wasn't that big of a town, anyway, six or seven police cars with sirens and lights wouldn't be that hard to find.

"Helicopters," said Elise. Andie nodded, they could always just see where the helicopters started circling. Police and news helicopters always made it obvious when something big was going on.

Silently, they watched the police cars speed away then slow to negotiate a left turn on a red light further on. Elise got the green and resumed the pursuit. "They're heading north on Fairview," she said.

Andie didn't answer, she was lost in her own thoughts. Would any of this have happened but for her pushing the masquerade on Kelly? He was a beautiful little boy and she felt after knowing him for more than a year that he was like she had been: a girl in the body of a boy. But how did that give her the right to push him into pretending to be a girl?

He'd been terrified. Apparently, the thought had never occurred to him to wear girl's clothes out in public, even though she knew about his earlier experiments in crossdressing at home. And even that tied into what had happened; if Kelly had never crossdressed before and if Andie hadn't gotten him all dolled up like a miniature version of his mother, would Amanda, Kelly's grandmother, have gone so ballistic when she saw him?

And without Amanda as a distraction, Andie doubted that Phil Constable could have taken her car from her with Kelly inside. She was six or seven inches taller than the little man and despite a rather sedentary occupation, still managed to work out two or three times a week. With her choice in boyfriends, she reflected, she'd better. Tony "the Tiger" Almontes had muscles on his muscles and expected his girlfriend to be able to keep up.

That thought made her grin a bit and the grin widened a little as she thought again about Amanda's reaction to Kelly's dress-up. Served the old barfly right for being such a twitch about Kelly growing up to be a man. Like Amanda had done such a good job with Barbie; pregnant before she was out of junior high.

Andie sighed. Her own childhood had been far from ideal; besides dealing with her internal gender struggles, her father had moved the family every two or three years, following his work as a hydraulic engineer, building and repairing dams and hydroelectric plants all across the West. But she guessed she had lived in paradise compared to what Barbie had gone through; an alcoholic and abusive mother and an alcoholic step-father who had ended up getting her pregnant.

"At least my parents didn't drink," murmured Andie aloud.

"Mine sure did," said Elise. "Boy, howdy. What brought that up? The kid's parents lushes?"

"Not her mother, well not for a long time but her father and grandmother..." Andie let it trail off, she didn't need to explain Kelly's history to the cab lady.

"Yeah, can be rough when your folks drink," said Elise. "I remember one year, my ol' dad was potted from Memorial Day to Halloween. That's when they buried him, from potted to planted. Tried to pass a lumber truck on a curve. " She barked a laugh without humor.

Halloween, thought Andie, now there's the time for masquerade.

She hadn't been much older than Kelly, the first time she went out in public wearing girl's clothes. It had been Halloween in some small town up in central California, she no longer remembered the name of the place. She and her mom, as usual, had gotten an apartment in some small town near where her dad was working. More times than not, Benjamin Mann would sleep in a trailer on site, they would seldom see him.

* * *

Margaret Mann, called Peggy, pretty much had to raise Harold and Andrew alone. Andy was in junior high that year, the seventh grade, Harry had left for college the year before. In less than seven more months, pretty Peggy and Big Benjy would be dead; killed when Benjy chose to ram a bridge abutment rather than head-on a busload of farm workers.

But that Halloween, they were new arrivals in the little town somewhere between Salinas and San Jose. Andy always felt awkward in a new school. With his height, it was often assumed that he would be athletic and enjoy the games and roughhousing of the boys. But Andy had a secret he had told almost no one.

Privately, inside his innermost imaginings, Andy considered himself to be a girl. This made things at a new school even more difficult. At five-feet-three inches and only twelve years old, Andy towered over most of his classmates; only a few of the girls were nearly as tall because at that age many girls had already hit their growth spurts, a year or two before the boys would. And this seemed to complicate things even more; boys are supposed to be taller than girls but at age twelve that relationship was often reversed.

"You're going to be as tall as your brother," Big Benjy would say with pride and ruffle Andy's hair. Harry stood six feet five in his stocking feet, two inches taller than his dad. "Maybe taller. You ought to try going out for basketball maybe."

Andy did not want to be so tall, though. Being tall was almost like a curse for someone with his inner feelings. In an effort to try to stunt his own growth, Andy had curbed his appetite almost to the point of anorexia. At 5'3" he weighed only 93 lbs. His face had interesting shadows under the cheekbones, his blue eyes seemed overbright and his tousled sandy-blond hair overlong.

All the girls in the new school thought he was gorgeous. Some of them even thought his slight speech impediment was cute.

This was not an entirely new experience for Andy, he'd suffered under the crushes of his classmates before. But now, crushes meant something, twelve-year-olds could actually have mildly romantic encounters, pseudo-dates. Like going to Halloween parties together.

Deirdre Halloway had long brown hair down to where she had to move it aside to sit. And long brown eyelashes that framed eyes so green they made one think of Oz. She wore a real bra, not a trainer and her hips were wider than her shoulders. "Are you going to the Halloween party, next week," Dee had asked. Typically, Andy had become close enough friends; in only five weeks, Deirdre was Dee and not Deedee, a nickname she hated.

"Sure I guessh," said Andy. Being near Dee sometimes confused him. He knew she liked him and guessed that there was an element of romance in the liking. He just didn't know what to do about it because he genuinely liked Dee and didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"We could go together," suggested Dee, batting her long eyelashes and smiling to show her dimples She was almost as tall as Andy, in fact, he was the only boy in the seventh grade that was taller than her. She wouldn't have believed it if someone had told her that Andy's sometimes obvious admiration of her precocious curves was based on envy and not a more manly lust. She had a crush on him and she knew he liked her but Andy could be the class clown one moment and painfully shy the next. She knew she had to ask him instead of waiting for him to ask her.

"Okay," Andy agreed. "That would be fun. Who else is going?"

"Practically everyone," Dee said artfully careless. "Well, everyone who isn't trying to be a jaydee or a punk, I guess?"

Andy laughed. He'd had a run-in or two with the rougher crowd at school. But the family athleticism had blessed him with the ability to outrun anyone who didn't laugh at his jokes. Most of the boys called him queer or fag or worse names, this happens quickly in the seventh grade, but so far, none of the bullies had managed to corner him. "Yeah, okay. Is everyone going to be in coshtume?"

"Uh huh, well, yeah?" Dee smiled. "It is Halloween? That's part of the fun of it?"

Something clicked over in Andy's brain. He hadn't really grasped the fact that Dee was asking him out on a date, or the 12-year-old equivalent of a date, but dressing up in a costume for Halloween suddenly seemed like an opportunity. "Sho, what are you going to wear? Have anything planned yet?"

Dee shrugged. "I dunno? Last year I went as a ballerina but I think I'd look silly in that costume this year?" She took a deep breath and fluttered her eyelashes at Andy which again, merely confused him. "Do you have any ideas?"

"I think I might, but I have to check to see what might be available at home?" he said.

"Well, what do you think I should wear?" asked Dee. "It would be fun to co-ordinate our outfits?"

"Huh?"

"You know, like if you went as Batman I could go as Catgirl?"

"Oh." The idea of dressing up as Catgirl appealed to Andy, dressing as Batman would be a no-show. "I think I would make a pretty terrible Batman..."

Dee giggled, admitting to herself that yeah, Andy as Batman didn't really...fly. "There are going to be prizes for the best costume, the most original costume and like that? I think there is a prize for best couple?"

"Huh?" It hadn't occurred to Andy that he and Dee would attend as a couple. "Well, it'sh a couple weeks off, we can think about it?"

"Sure." Dee was happy, Andy would be going to the party with her, the costumes they would wear didn't really matter.

But for Andy, the chance to go to a party in a costume had taken on a whole new significance. This was a chance to do something he had always wanted to do. It might be weird for a boy to dress as a girl for a costume party but it did happen, it would be considered silly and people might laugh at him but it had the plausible veneer of acceptability on it.

Andy had recently discovered that his mother's clothes, at least some of them, would almost fit him. Peggy wasn't short, at 5'7" she looked petite beside Big Benjy and she liked that, but she wasn't really small. During their last move, from Summerton in the Arizona desert to the little town in the hills of the California Middle Coast, Andy had managed to--steal a few of his mother's things. Mostly older clothes that Peggy would probably have discarded rather than transported; she was an old hand at paring down her wardrobe after one-two-three-four...nine moves in twenty-two years of marriage.

Andy's stash of clothing and his occasional raids on her makeup table were a secret only in the sense that Andy wasn't sure that his mother knew. And she wasn't sure that he knew that she knew. But both were pretty certain that it was better that Big Benjy didn't know, at least for a while longer. Peggy cherished both of her sons and if it turned out that Andy was gay, then that was no more of a tragedy than that Harry was going to be a doctor some day if he didn't get killed playing football. She had an inkling that being gay wasn't exactly Andy's problem but she had no real idea of what to do about it one way or another.

She wanted her delicate son to know that she loved him just as he was, whatever he wanted to be, but she wasn't sure how to broach the subject. A sort of passive complicity in his experimenting with her clothing had grown over the years in Arizona and she had deliberately given him the opportunity to acquire some of her things during the last move. He had taken it, she knew; she'd found where he had hid the clothing: a pair of peach-colored capri pants, a blue skirt, several tops, some underwear, including a bra, a pair of flats and another of her sneaks.

One item she knew he had had his eye on had eluded his grasp. Her old high school cheerleader costumes. She couldn't let him have them to play with even if she wasn't sure why she had kept them so long. Both were finely made, one of burgundy wool and creamy satin with golden braid and trim, the other gold satin and burgundy-and-cream wool with burgundy trim; they certainly no longer fit her. But she had loved being in the cheering squad back when it was more of a social club than an athletic pursuit. And she had seen Andy looking at the uniforms in the plastic suithanger when he hadn't been aware of her watching.

Privately, she thought he would look adorable in one of them. And that thought appalled her a little. But Big Benjy had had Harry; Headline Harry they had called him in his high school days not so long ago. Harry had relived Benjy's own football hero days with him. They had never had a daughter; Andy, in fact, had been something of an accident.

The doctors had warned them that any children after Harry would be a risk because of their bloodtype mismatch. Harry and Benjy were A-positive; but fortunately, Andy had matched Peggy, O-negative, rather than run up against her activated antibodies against another Rh-positive invader in her body.

Peggy sometimes felt a little guilty to think that perhaps her feelings for her two children were a little asymmetrical but Harry had never obviously needed her as much as Andy did. Andy was sweet and gentle; though tough enough to get by at school, Peggy worried about him. Harry was Benjy's son, Andy was...Peggy's substitute for a daughter? And that made her feel guilty too, had she somehow encouraged Andy to be a sissy.

Children should come with a manaul on raising them, she decided, not for the first time. But when Andy came in and asked about a Halloween costume, the first thing she thought of was her old cheerleading outfit. "What kind of costume?" she asked.

"Well, you know," said Andy. "Shomething that might win a prize but that doesn't look like a costume like you buy at a store?" His heart had started beating faster.

"Uh huh," said Peggy. Should she suggest it? Or would he? "Whose party is it now?"

"Uh, it's kind of a school party, at the school, you know...there'll be parents there and teachers and Mr. Woolery, the prinicpal, is going to come as Ahnold the Librarian." Andy giggled nervously.

Peggy laughed. It did sound like fun, "And this girl asked you to go?"

"Yeah, well, it's not like a date or anything...." Andy trailed off, it occurred to him for the first time that maybe Dee did think it was a date.

Before he could worry about that, his mother asked, "So, did you have something in mind?"

Andy took a deep breath. "Promish not to get mad?"

"What? No, I won't promise but I can't imagine what you might suggest that would make me mad?"

"I wash...was thinking maybe that old cheering costume you've got? Uh...." Andy blushed clear down to his toes.

Peggy looked at him and Andy grinned bravely. Peggy grinned back. "You're kinda skinny?" she said, "and you're not quite as tall as I was then?."

"We can pad it out?" suggested Andy. He couldn't believe it, his mother was going to go along with it? He made a motion in front of his chest then cupped his hands around imaginary breasts.

Peggy burst out laughing.

They got Dee in on the plan. She would wear one of the uniforms and Andy the other. They both tried both of them on but the waist of the burgundy and cream skirt was too loose on Andy.

"That's the Varsity uniform," Peggy had said. "The other is the JayVee one from my Sophmore year."

"You've got a smaller waist than I do?" complained Dee to Andy.

He shrugged and grinned and tossed his head as if unconcerned, his hair was almost too short to pull off such a gesture. "Some of us aren't having extra milk with our lunches," he said in his best Valley Girl drawl.

Dee giggled. "It's uncanny how good you are at that," she said. "Maybe you could be an actor?"

"Actressh," said Andy haughtily.

Benjy looked disconcerted on the night of the party when Andy and Dee came out of his bedroom, both dressed as cheerleaders. Peggy took pictures. Dee squealed with laughter. Andy glowed with happiness.

Even Benjy grinned. He might be a shovelhead, he thought privately, but he wasn't an idiot. He had known for some time that Andy was unlikely to follow big brother Harry into such masculine pursuits as football. Seeing his gawky but graceful son in a burgundy skirt with little pompoms on his shoes made him cringe but he was damned if he was going to criticize. The kid was obviously happy and wasn't that what mattered?

Dee Halloway and Andy Mann went to the Halloween party as the cheering squad from Peggy's old High School. Andy got scared but Dee wouldn't let him back out at the last minute, they made a grand entrance shouting, "Ess Cee Aitch Ess!". Or in Andy's case, "Esh Shee..."

Peggy had taught them some cheers. They pranced and yelled on the junior high cafeteria "dance floor" and Ahnold the Librarian led a round of applause for their performance. No one hassled Andy, perhaps because the rough crowd was at their own party somewhere else, perhaps because a lot of the partyers didn't know Andy and thought that both cheerleaders were girls.

They missed getting best couple because no one had thought to enter them in that category. They shared the prize for most authentic costumes. Andy gave Dee a big kiss and she returned the favor but for both of them it was like kissing a sister.

Seven months later, Andy rode up to Berkely with Harry in Harry's klunky old Montego at the end of Spring Break. Peggy and Benjy rode in the family sedan following them about half an hour back. The brothers were back at Harry's college dorm waiting for hours before they learned what had happened on the highway. Harry held Andy while they both cried for Peggy and Benjy.

That was the worst memory of that year and the Halloween party had been the best.

* * *

"We're here," said Elise.

"Huh," said Andie.

"South Coast Plaza." Elise gestured. "The place is crawling with cops."

Andie got out of the cab and paid Elise the fare plus the hundred dollar tip she had promised.

It wasn't dark yet, the summer sun wouldn't be going down till almost nine. It wasn't cold, because it was August after all. But Andie shivered as she watched the police work the crowds leaving the mall. It was almost as if some Halloween goblin had touched her heart.

  

  

  

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