The Stepchild                   by: Jacki Pett

 

My stepsisters, Amanda and Cathy, are sitting on the couch next to me in the doctor's waiting room. My stepmother is in talking with the doctor. Amanda and Cathy are both reading magazines. Janet, my other stepsister, felt bad she couldn't be here with me too.

I feel kind of weird, sitting here, sort of spaced out. Mom gave me a Valium to take before we left the house. She said it was to help me relax.

It's been a long time since I've felt this uncomfortable around other people. Maybe it's because Dr. Morse is a gynecologist. This is my third visit to her and I like her but I still feel awkward sitting here, in my dress, in her waiting room. The women sitting around us don't realize I'm a guy. My life wasn't always this confusing though.

I had just turned twelve a few days before my real Mom's accident. She and I were really close. I miss her a lot. It was natural that I was really depressed for a long time after she died.

My Dad and I never got along very well. His work kept him away from home a lot. Mrs Bates, our house keeper, looked after me.

Dad had been a big football star in college and he always expected me to follow in his footsteps. I was never the athletic type, being short and kind of puny. He and I never got along very well. I was always a little jealous of the relationships my friends had with their Dads.

I had no brothers or sisters to emulate. My only role models were Mom and Mrs Bates, with Dad away on business so much.

Physically, and I suppose emotionally, I took after my mother more than my father. He was 6'4" while my mom was a tiny 5'3". On my eleventh birthday I was only 5'. Mom always told me that I would trim down and build myself up when I got a little older. She never made me feel selfconscious about my 'baby fat', she called it. It bothered Dad a lot more than her.

Dad was always trying to get me involved in sports but I was never very interested. He constantly encouraged me to build myself up, so that I'd be better suited for sports. He made me try out for everything but I always failed miserably. I seemed to lack the skills, the coordination that other kids had.

He always said I threw a ball like a girl.

That frustrated him and he took it out on me often. I wonder what he'd think of his son if he could see me now?

I was upset at Dad today. It seemed like Mom's funeral was only a few days ago and he brought home this woman for me to meet.

"Dennis, I'd like you to meet your new mother, Ms Worth." He introduced her as his fiance. How could Dad fall in love with this woman? He was supposed to have loved Mom?

I know I sounded a little cold but I couldn't help it. "Hello Ms Worth."

"Please call me mother, Dennis. It's very nice to meet you at last. Your father's told me so much about you." She said sweetly with a warm, but phony smile, as she took my hand.

I bet he has, I thought to myself. The woman didn't fool me. I could feel the coldness toward me. I could see it in her eyes.

I tried to excuse myself but Dad wouldn't let me go to my room just yet.

"We're going to be moving in a few weeks. I'm selling the house and were going to live in Georgia."

"We're moving?" I didn't want to leave New York. I didn't want to go live in a strange place and leave my friends. "What about Mrs Bates?" I asked. She had been with us since I was born. I didn't want to leave her behind.

"We won't be needing a housekeeper any more Dennis. I'll be taking care of you from now on." Ms Worth, 'Mother', said with that same phony smile on her lips. She made me very uncomfortable.

I didn't like it. Mrs Bates had been like a Mother to me since my real Mom died. I didn't want a new Mom, especially not this woman.

After dinner, Dad went off to tell Mrs Bates about his decision. Ms Worth and I were left at the table.

"I think you'll enjoy living with us in Georgia. We have a really nice house in the country, just outside of Atlanta. You'll have new friends to play with and I have three daughters who are just dying to meet you."

GIRLS! I'm going to have to live with three girls? Now I liked the idea even less. I didn't know what to say to the woman.

"Janet's 15, Cathy is 13 and Amanda is your age." She told him.

She took her wallet from her purse and showed me their pictures. They were all very pretty, like their mother.

"They're pretty." What else could I say? The youngest girl didn't look much like her sisters. I didn't realize at the time but she had my Dad's eyes.

"I know that all of this is very sudden Dennis but I'm sure you'll just love Georgia." She was no more convincing now than she had been earlier. I know she didn't really want me coming to live with them.

"I'm sure." I said sarcastically.

The woman's smile turned to a frown. "You will learn to accept me Dennis." She said coldly.

Dad came back and I excused myself from the table. It was obvious I wasn't going to get a chance to talk to him alone. I went to my room. I had a lot to think about.

Dad came in around eleven to tell me to turn off my TV.

"Mother thinks you're very nice." He told me.

I knew he was lying. "No she doesn't Dad." I was hoping to find some compassion. "She doesn't like me. And she's not my mother. My Mom is dead."

"Dennis, I've had enough!" He said menacingly. "Ms Worth and I are going to be married next month in Georgia and you will show her the same respect as you did your real mother. She's your mother now and I expect you to act accordingly. You will call her Mother or you'll be a very sorry little boy. You and I have never gotten along very well. You've let me down time after time and it's going to end now. You are not going to ruin the happiness I've found. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

Dad scared me. The look in his eyes was something I had never seen before. "Yes sir." I answered meekly.

He was still upset. "I expect you to obey her. You will do as you're told and that's the end of it."

"Yes sir." I replied again, cowering. He really scared me and as I sat there on the edge of my bed I heard a noise at the door. I looked past Dad to see the woman standing in the doorway, smiling with satisfaction. I had been put in my place and she knew it.

She stayed the night. I guess she slept with my Dad in the bed he had shared with Mom. The thought made me angry.

Dad got me up early the next morning. Ms Worth made Dad and I breakfast. Mrs Bates was strangely absent. She always had breakfast with me, even when Dad was home.

'Mother' tried to be really sweet to me in front of Dad. She said she hadn't cooked for men since her husband died years ago and she enjoyed it.

When Dad left to go to the office the woman got on my case almost immediately. I got up from the table to go out to play. "And where do you think you're going?" She said.

"I was going out to play." I answered innocently. I had none of the sarcasm of the night before in my voice. Dad had warned me.

"Not until the table is cleared and the kitchen is cleaned up, you're not." She commanded. "The girls do their chores around the house and you might as well start getting used to the same. Boys don't get any special privileges under my roof."

Witch, was the first thought that came to mind. I didn't say anything. I cleared the table while she went in the living room to read the paper and drink her coffee. It wasn't fair.

I had put everything away and put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. I was on my way to my room when she stopped me.

"Wait a minute young man. Come with me and we'll see what kind of a job you did cleaning up." She herded me back into the kitchen.

"Just look at those counters and the stove. You're not going to get away with doing half the job. I want to see those counters sparkle and I expect this floor to be swept before you go anywhere."

She wasn't kidding. I never had to do this before and I resented her making me, but what choice did I have. It was almost ten before I was allowed out of the house to play with my friends. She made me wipe down all the appliances and wash the sink on her second inspection. Where was Mrs Bates?

I was on my way out the door and she made be go back to my room and change. She didn't like my old jeans and tee shirt. I had to put on school clothes and was told, in no uncertain terms, not to get dirty. It was embarrassing but I knew she could make life difficult for me.

Dad got home around six. 'Mother' made dinner and to my surprise, she cleaned up herself. I figured out that it was because Dad was there.

No one objected when I went to my room after dinner. They didn't want me around. I heard them go to bed around midnight.

She left the next morning, to go home. Dad didn't have much to say when he got back from taking Mother to the airport. Mrs Bates was back and that was a relief. I told her how the woman treated me.

"You can't expect her to be exactly the same as your mother Dennis. She is obviously a very orderly person and she thinks she's just teaching you to take care of yourself. You're going to have to give her the benefit of the doubt." Mrs Bates explained.

I guess she was right. I just figured that all mothers were the same. I was wrong. I still didn't like the idea of my Mother being replaced by this woman.

I tried to tell Dad what the woman was like when he wasn't around, but he got mad at me again. He said I was overreacting and he didn't want to hear any more about it.

I don't understand him. He is more distant toward me than ever.

We stopped for the night at a motel off I95 in North Carolina. I said goodbye to my friends this morning and Dad and I left in the car for Georgia.

I was surprised that we didn't even stay around to wait for the house to be sold. Dad arranged for a real estate agent to sell it for him.

Dad explained that he didn't want to bring old memories into our new life. That's why all our old furniture was being sold with the house. He wouldn't even let me bring my bed. Dad is acting funny. We don't even talk like we used to. He's hardly said two words to me since we left.

The day was overcast and Ii reflected my mood, gloomy.

We got a late start this morning. Today was bright and sunny. I guess the weather brightened my mood, and Dad's as well. We talked a little. Our conversation centered around the new home we were heading for, Ms Worth, my new Mother, and her girls. That's all he talked about the whole way.

We reached the house around 2:00 in the afternoon, after driving through Atlanta. We left the city behind and the scene changed to rural countryside.

The house was on a large piece of property. It was like the ones you see in southern magazines. It was a gray, two story house with white trim and shutters. The front porch wrapped around both sides of the house. I had expected it to be bigger, the way Dad had described it.

Ms Worth and her daughters came out on the porch to meet us when Dad honked the horn. I recognized each of them from the pictures the woman had shown me.

Janet, the oldest, was almost as tall as her mother. She had to be 5'9". In the picture she had long curly, light brown hair but now it was almost yellow blond. She's even prettier than her picture.

Cathy stood next to her. Cathy wasn't as tall as her sister and her hair hadn't changed. She had long straight dark brown hair. She looked a lot like her sister only she looked softer, more sweet and innocent. They both had great figures.

Amanda's curly red hair was not a surprise. It was the same color as Dad's. I had wondered before but now I was sure. She had his chin and nose too. I had Mom's light brown hair and features. Amanda hadn't blossomed yet, like her sisters. She was slender and almost flat chested. She was only a little taller than me.

I thought to myself, it's too bad that they're going to be my stepsisters. I watched the four of them as Dad and I got out of the car and walked toward the house. They turned and whispered to each other after seeing me. Something they saw was apparently funny because the girls were giggling. The oldest whispered something to her mother and a grin crossed her face too. I didn't like the way it made me feel.

Dad hugged and kissed Ms Worth then turned to the girls and hugged them like he had known them for a long time. I was becoming more and more convinced that my suspicions were correct. Dad had been seeing this woman long before Mom died. How could he?

"Girls," Ms Worth said. "This is Dennis. Dennis, these are my girls Janet, Cathy and Amanda." She proudly announced.

They stood lined up next to their mother. Dad stood at the woman's side with his hand around her waist. I was an outsider and the look on the girls' faces did nothing to make me feel welcome.

"Hello Dennis." Each said in turn with a distinct lack of enthusiasm

"Hi." I said to the three of them.

"We waited lunch for you." Mother said to Dad.

"Wonderful. It's been a long ride. I'm hungry." Dad said smiling. He turned and headed for the house. The girls gathered around him and their mother. They seemed to forget about me as they left me standing there.

Dad called after me from the porch. "Come on Dennis."

Amanda was the last one through the door and she let it swing closed with a cold backward glance at me. I mounted the steps and followed them into the house.

Everything looked brand new. The furniture looked expensive and it appeared to have hardly been used. It was like a show house, a model that had never been lived in. The kitchen was ultra modern, much nicer than ours at home. HOME? This was my home now, I thought with regret.

I sat at the large kitchen table with the others. No one said a word to me. The girls fussed over my father. They called him Dad as if they had known him forever. I resented them and their familiar attitude toward my father.

They were just like their mother. I was sure they resented my being there.

"Girls, why don't you give Dennis a tour of the house." Mother suggested. They were reluctant. They didn't have to say anything, you could tell by their reaction to her request.

"Come on Dennis." The oldest, Janet, said as she got up from the table. She took her dishes and deposited them in the dishwasher. The other two did the same and then cleared the condiments from the table. It didn't take a genius to figure out that I was expected to help. I got some nasty looks from the girls when I got back to the table from the dishwasher to find that it was already cleared and everything was put away. I guess they figured I was too slow.

We went through the formal dining room and living room that I had passed coming in. In the rear of the house, through an archway in the living room, was a large recreation room. This was definitely a room that was lived in. I was shown the downstairs bathroom. It was spotless. The laundry room was next. I could have cared less about seeing that room.

Cathy pointed to a closed door off the recreation room. "That's Mom and Dad's room. It's out of bounds."

I wasn't sure it that meant it was out of bounds to just me or to all of us. "Ok." Was all I said. Dad's room had never been out of bounds to be before. It really bothered me.

I followed them back through the living room to the stairs and up to the second floor.

"This is my room. You never go in there." Janet announced. I didn't say anything. I just nodded.

"This one's mine. Same thing goes." Cathy announced in nearly the same tone of voice.

The third door was obviously Amanda's. That left the one at the end of the hall that I assumed was mine. I was shocked when Amanda opened her door and said coldly, "This is our room."

I turned to her with surprise. "What do you mean 'our' room."

"Are you stupid?" Janet said sarcastically. "She said it's your room. Your's and Amanda's." Janet shook her head. "Your brain must be a puny as the rest of you."

I let it go by. As a matter of fact, I hardly heard her sarcastic comment. I turned to Amanda, "I have to share a room with you? I don't get my own room?"

"You think I like the idea? It stinks, But Mom and Dad said I have to, so I guess I'm stuck."

Janet shoved me through the door. She towered over me. I wanted to belt her but I got the feeling she wanted nothing more than for me to try. They all did.

"That's your bed," Amanda pointed to a single bed against the wall by the closet. "and that's your dresser." On the far side of the closet was a little narrow four drawer dresser. It was half the size of the one I used to have.

I walked toward the closet when harsh words from Amanda stopped me. "That's my closet." She announced.

I turned. "Where's mine?" I asked in a nasty tone of voice.

Amanda pointed to a cloth covered wardrobe that stood against the wall, beyond my dresser. "That's all I get?"

"That's it." Said Cathy. The three stood side by side staring at me in defiance.

Living here was going to be hell. They must have sensed my depression.

"We heard you were a sniveling little Mamma's boy but we didn't think you'd be such a little wimp." Janet taunted me.

"I'm no wimp." I had had enough of their insults and started toward them. None of them budged.

Janet knocked me back on my ass with one hand. She was stronger than she looked. "Don't mess with us wimp." With that warning, the three sisters turned and walked out of the room.

I didn't know what to do. I just sat there on the floor for the longest time. How could I stand up to them? There was no question in my mind where I would stand with their mother if I tried. I had a pretty good idea where I would stand with my Dad if I gave the girls any trouble. They were obviously closer to him than I ever was. Was it because they were girls and he didn't expect anything more from them than to be themselves?

Dad had betrayed me. He had obviously talked about his disappointment in me. It hurt me that he had told these strangers. Did he really think of me as a wimp and a mamma's boy?

They left me alone the rest of the afternoon. I had hoped that Dad would at least would come up and see where I was but he didn't. I could hear everyone downstairs having a good time. They were all in the rec room talking and laughing. I never felt so alone.

Janet came up around six. "Come on down for dinner." She told me. You could tell by her tone that she really didn't care if I did or not. "You better learn to start doing your share around here if you know what's good for you." She told me as she left.

I sat quietly through dinner. Everyone else talked but me.

The girls told Dad they were glad he was finally moved in. He had betrayed me and Mom. There was absolutely no doubt any more.

As the girls asked to be excused I got some pretty harsh looks. I didn't have long to debate what to do.

"Help the girls clean up Dennis." Mother commanded. Dad didn't even look up. It didn't matter to anyone that I wasn't finished eating. They piled all the dishes on the counter and I was elected to load the dishwasher. The others cleared the table and put away the leftovers. I was the last one out of the kitchen by the time I finished washing the pots and pans and drying everything.

They were all in the rec room. I didn't care to join them. I went back up to the bedroom. I hesitate to call it my room. On Amanda's side of the room is the bathroom. I went in there and locked the door and put on my pajamas and brushed my teeth. It was only eight o:clock but I went to bed anyway. I fought back tears as I lay there waiting for the escape of sleep.

At least I don't have to go to school with the girls. They go to a public school. Dad drove me this morning, on his way to the airport, to the private school he had enrolled me in. Private school was fine with me. I have been going to private school for years.

Ms Worth doesn't seem to care for the idea though. She told Dad it was a waste of money. She thinks I should go to public school, just like her girls. I'm surprised Dad didn't give in to her. He seems to go along with anything she wants. He always figured I have a better chance at sports in private school.

My first day wasn't so bad. It will take a little while to make new friends, I suppose.

I miss Mrs Bates. She was nice. More than that, she cooked, did the laundry and cleaned. Mother cooks sometimes but she doesn't clean or do laundry. The girls and I are expected to do it all. I hate it.

I no sooner walked in the door from school than I was expected to dust and vacuum the entire downstairs. I didn't finish until dinner time, since Mother made me redust half of what I did. She wasn't satisfied with the way I did it.

The meal she cooked was a lot different than we had last night.

"You're going to learn to eat healthy Dennis. Apparently Mrs Bates didn't know a great deal about nutrition."

It bothered me that she put down my friend. "Mrs Bates was a good cook. She made the kind of food I like." I was floored when her open hand met my cheek. It stung and my face turned bright red.

"Don't you ever talk back to be young man." She stood over me. Her face was red with anger. "You'll eat what I give you and like it. You're going to learn to eat healthy. You're pudgy and it's about time you start to shape up."

I could see the girls smiling. They enjoyed seeing me humiliated.

"What do you have to say?" She asked, still fuming.

"I'm sorry?" I answered.

"I'm sorry, what?" She asked.

"I'm sorry Mother!"

"That's better. Now eat your dinner and then you can go to your room." The redness drained slowly from her face.

I did as I was told, as quickly as I could. I should have known she had a temper. The girls got no end of pleasure out of seeing me humiliated.

Mother packed me a lunch to take to school. The two crackers, an apple and an orange were hardly enough to fill me up but I had no money to buy anything, so I made do.

Sharing a room with Amanda hasn't gotten any easier. The other two continue picking on me too. I didn't do anything to them. Why do they hate me?

School's not bad. I made a new friend today. Unfortunately Jack lives about twenty miles away. I'd like to make some more friends, some that live closer but there weren't any guys around and Mother didn't let me go out to play. It was only my second day and I was so homesick.

I'm better off at home if I stay off by myself as much as possible.

The wedding was a big affair. I thought Dad would want me to be his best man or at least take part in the wedding somehow but a guy he works with had the honor. I was hurt.

My new mother was impossible, screaming at me to do this and do that. The girls gloated. They got to be part of the wedding. They were bridesmaids. Everyone seemed to ignore me, as if I wasn't even there.

It's been almost a year since we moved to Georgia. My life's been horrible, I hate it. Outside of school, I don't have any friends. I never go anywhere. Not even to the stores shopping.

Dad's always away on business. Mother goes off with him sometimes, leaving the girls in charge of me. It's awful when she's gone. He doesn't see the way Mother and the girls treat me, or he just doesn't care.

I do chores as soon as I get home from school. The girls seem to be doing less and less. True, they get home from school much later than I do but it doesn't seem fair.

The girls seemed to have backed off a little over the past year but I still try to stay out of their way.

I've lost weight a lot of weight in the past year. I think I'm too skinny but mother insists I'm fine. I really envy those guys that eat normal food. They make fun of my lunch in school.

She started me on vitamins some time ago. There's always four or five at my place at the table with each meal. I objected at first but Mother made me take them. I'm used to them now.

I hate my life. I hate mother and I hate the girls. When Dad's gone they treat me like dirt. Again, I told Mother I needed a hair cut and she told me no. She said she liked it long and that I would have to leave it that way.

"There's nothing wrong with your hair. Just put it in a pony tail. Lot's of kids your age have long hair."

That was the end of the discussion as far as she was concerned. I tried a pony tail when I went upstairs but I looked ridiculous. It was just too long.

Clothes were another problem. I couldn't remember getting a single new item of clothes in months, except for my school uniforms. When I asked for a new pair of jeans Mother said I should make do. The girls are always getting new clothes. It's not fair. I can't even wear a lot of my clothes, they don't fit anymore. My shirts are all too big but I have to wear them anyway. They're all I've got. Mother's constantly telling me to be careful not to ruin my clothes cause she won't by me more.

I don't mind so much anymore that she only feeds me small portions of food, like she gives the girls. I think my stomach must have shrunk.

Dad was finally home for a few days. He had promised to take me to a ball game but, because of Mother's nagging, we ended up taking all of us to the theater instead. We saw a ballet, YUCK. We hardly spend any time together, ever. He's always too busy.

I went to the dresser when I got out of bed to get ready for school and found that I had run out of clean underwear.

Amanda had done the laundry yesterday so I went to our bathroom door to ask her if she had seen any of my clean underpants.

She called out to me, "Mother said that the ones in the laundry were disgusting. She threw out all but one pair."

Apparently Mother was in the hall and overheard our conversation. I turned to the sound of the bedroom door opening. "What's the problem." She asked, coolly. She was always on the alert for problems between her girls and I. She was always ready to rush to their defense.

"I don't have any clean underpants to wear." It was as much a question as a statement.

"So, just borrow a pair for today. You can do laundry when you get home." She suggested.

"Borrow a pair?" From who?

Mother went to Amanda's dresser and opened one of her drawers. "Here, wear these." She tossed me a pair of Amanda's panties.

I caught them in mid air, by reflex. I looked at the white cotton panties with their lace trim and then looked back at Mother. "These are girls?"

"So?" Was mother's response.

"I can't wear...."

She knocked me sideways but I managed to stay on my feet.

"You'll do what I tell you to do. Now put them on and stop your fussing." She stood there waiting.

Amanda opened the bathroom door when she hear the commotion. "Mother, those are mine!" She was upset that her mother gave them to me.

"You have more than enough honey. I bought you four new pairs just last week."

"Well I don't want them after he's worn them." She complained.

"Don't worry. They're his now."

Mine!? I didn't want them. She was still waiting for me to put them on. "Can I get dressed in the bathroom?" I asked.

"You'll get dressed right here. Amanda, go back in the bathroom and finish getting ready for school."

I didn't miss the look on her face when she looked back as she closed the bathroom door. I was going to be wearing her underwear today and she thought it was hilarious.

I turned away from Mother and dropped my pajama bottoms to the floor. It was embarrassing. I quickly pulled on the panties. I wished I had laid out my pants but they were hanging in the wardrobe. I wasted no time in getting them out and pulling them on. I gave me some relief to cover up but they knew what I had on and I knew that Janet and Cathy would too, in a few minutes.

"That's better." Mother said. "Now get ready for school." She left.

I was in the kitchen having the small bowl of cereal that Mother proportioned out for me when the girls walked in. They were all three swishing their hips. Their intent didn't escape me.

"Hi Denise." Cathy said as she sat down next to me." I was trembling. I wanted to crawl under the table.

Janet added, "I bet you look adorable in your pretty panties Denise."

"He does. I saw him through the keyhole." Amanda told her sisters.

"Now you girls stop that." Mother told them smiling.

I glared at the girls. I looked to their mother. Her tone with them was anything but harsh. She thought it was funny too.

They continued to make faces and make exaggerated feminine gestures when their mother wasn't looking. I wanted to die.

The guys at school are already teasing me about my long hair. I skipped gym today. I couldn't let them see what I was forced to wear for underpants. I got detention and Mother yelled at me when I got home late. I pleaded with her not to tell Dad and she agreed.

I found a few pairs of my own underpants in the laundry and washed them out in the sink. I swore I would not run out again. I hid the pair of Amanda's panties in the pile of clothes in the laundry room.

It was a few days later when I found Amanda's underwear in my drawer. When I tried to give it back to her she reminded me that Mother said it was mine now. I buried it in the back of my drawer. Amanda laughed.

They all tease me constantly.

I'd give anything for a greasy hamburger. I've lost a bunch of weight and I'm as skinny as a rail.

Mother expects me to clean my room without any help from Amanda. This includes picking up after her. She leaves her underwear and things all over the floor. I know she does it on purpose.

I wash out my two remaining pairs of underwear out each night in the sink. Mother said I would have to make do. If I needed clean she would borrow a few pair from the girls for me. I told her I was alright with what I have.

Somebody took my underwear from the bathroom last night and replaced them with two pair of Amanda's lacy panties. Mother thought it was cute and she insisted I wear them when I told her what happened. Just for fun, She also made me take off my tee shirt and made me wear one of Amanda's lace trimmed ones. The girls laughed at me over breakfast. It was humiliating. Mother thinks it's hilarious.

I forged a note to get me out of gym today but how long could I get away with it?

Mother's supposed to give me allowance but I haven't gotten any for months. After school I took the few dollars I had stashed away and went to the store and bought myself new underwear.

When I walked in the front door with the bag and Janet saw it, she told Mother. Mother became furious with me for wasting money on something I didn't need and she took them away from me.

I don't get it. Dad makes good money where he works. Mother and the girls get anything they want I have to talk to Dad when he gets back but I'm afraid to tell him about what's going on. He always sticks up for her and the girls.

Just the other night, over dinner, some one made a comment about me. I think it was Janet. Dad responded with, "You're such a crybaby Dennis. You should have been born a girl."

His remark really hurt. It wasn't the first time he'd implied that I was more like a girl than a boy. The girls all smiled at each other. I caught the smirk on Mother's face too. How could I tell Dad now, about what had been going on? I couldn't, it was too embarrassing.

My birthday came and went and no one even remembered. Amanda's had only been three weeks ago. She was thirteen now too. As if I wasn't already depressed enough.

Dad was home when I got home from school today but Mother and the girls stayed close by all the time. They didn't give me a chance to talk to him alone.

I won't pretend that I haven't thought about running away. There's just no where to go.

The next morning, a Wednesday, over breakfast, Dad told us that he would be gone for 3 weeks to a month, on business. I was given explicit instruction to obey Mother, as always, while he was gone.

When I got home from school on Tuesday afternoon the girls were all home already. Everyone was in tears. The girls surrounded Mother on the couch. She was wailing. Dad's plane went down somewhere in the Pacific. All I could think of was that I was alone now. What was going to happen to me? I suppose I should have felt grief but I didn't.

Official word came on Thursday. Dad's definitely dead. They didn't recover a body, the search yielded no sign. The funeral is Saturday. I don't understand why I don't feel sad.

Mother isn't happy about being stuck with me. She said that things are going to be a lot different around here from now on and that scares me. Things couldn't be much worse.

It's been a week since the funeral. I've been spending a lot of time in my room. I should say 'our' room. I still can't cry. I miss him, I suppose, but I should feel sad.

The girls are acting weird. Every time they look at me they smile and laugh. I don't get it. 'Mother' has been treating me differently too. She calls me 'dear' and 'sweetheart', just like she calls the girls. I don't like it.

I missed a lot of school, with the funeral and everything. I had forged another excuse for gym and it got me out of it for a while but my luck finally ran out.

Each day I waited around as long as I could for the other guys to get out of the dressing room before I changed into my gym clothes.

One particular day, I thought I was alone. I wasn't. I had just taken my shirt and pants off when Bill came around the lockers and spotted me standing there in Amanda's panties and tee shirt. I didn't know what to do. Bill laughed and ran off. I barely had time to get my street clothes back on before a dozen or more of the guys came rushing into the locker room with Mr Marks, the PE teacher. He took me to his office. Once he confirmed what Bill had told him, he called the principal's office. I tried to tell him why I was wearing girls' underwear but I know he didn't believe me. He sent me to the office at the end of the period.

I don't know how the whole school found out so fast. The walk from the gym to the office was the longest I can remember. All the kids, the guys and the girls, seemed to know what had happened. I was taunted and teased the whole way there. I couldn't look at them. I stared at the floor. I was the 'pretty little long haired sissy in girls' underwear'. How could I ever face these kids again?

The office called Mother to come and get me. She was told that I would not be allowed back into school until I got help with my problem. Mother assured them that she would see to it that I was put on the right path.

Mother dragged me out of bed on Saturday morning. She said that was enough mopping around.

At breakfast I discovered more new vitamins at my place. Mother didn't bother to explain and I didn't ask. I just took them. I didn't argue with her.

When breakfast was over she gave me a list of chores to do and said she expected them done when she got home. Janet was staying home to make sure I did everything I was told. I wasn't in a mood to argue.

I didn't read the entire list until she was gone and was shocked to read that I was expected to wash and iron all their clothes and to even hand wash all their underwear and delicates that had been left in the bathrooms.

When I tried to explain that it had to be a mistake, Janet told me in no uncertain terms that it was no mistake and that if I didn't do everything on the list I would be in a lot of trouble.

It took me all day to do everything. I did the washing, cleaned all the bathrooms, and there are four. I cleaned the kitchen and vacuumed and dusted the entire house. Janet watched to be sure I did a through job, bitching all day about being stuck at home with me.

By the time the others got home, I was exhausted.

I tried to skip dinner but Mother wouldn't let me. The same new assortment of vitamins were there by my plate. The vitamins weren't so bad. They couldn't hurt me, I decided.

Mother let me go to my room after dinner. I was tired and wanted to go to bed.

As always, I undressed, getting off the borrowed underwear quickly and went to put on my pajamas. They weren't in my dresser where they belonged. In their place was one of Amanda's nighties. I didn't know what was going on.

I had an old pair of shorts in the bottom drawer and was stepping into them as Mother walked in on me. I was very embarrassed to be caught without my clothes on. I usually changed in the bathroom, with the door locked.

"What do you think you're doing?" I was embarrassed.

She was angry. "You're not going to bed in those." She told me.

"But my pajamas are gone." I knew better than to tell her that Amanda had swiped my pajamas and replaced them with her nightie. She just got made at me for complaining about the girls again.

I didn't know what else to do. I just had to show her what Amanda had done.

She laughed. "So what's wrong with that?"

She had slapped me just this morning for complaining. I had not forgotten the way it stung.

"Just put it on and stop being such a whiner." She told me.

Her tone was unmistakable. I pulled it over my head. It was white cotton with lace trim and it came down to my knees.

"Now put on your underwear." She said.

I begged. "Please don't....."

"DO IT!!" She slapped me hard, twice.

I tried to tell her through my tears. "But I don't have any clean underwear."

She pulled open my underwear drawer and showed me at least a half dozen new pairs of girl's panties. I was floored.

She turned the light out when I was in bed in the nightie and my new underwear. When she was gone, I undressed under my covers and slept naked. I had a hard time falling asleep. I felt ridiculous and dreaded the morning when I would wake up with Amanda in the other bed. I knew I'd have to put them back on before woke up and saw me. There was no doubt that Amanda would tell her mother if I didn't have the nightie. I cried myself to sleep.

Mother came into the bedroom the next morning, when Amanda announced that I was awake. I was still under my covers and had already put the nightie and panties back on.

Mother didn't say much as she emptied my dresser drawers of all my clothes. I was speechless, in shock. I watched her stuff all my clothes into a lawn bag. She emptied the wardrobe next. Even my shoes and sneakers were dumped into the bag. I was afraid to ask what she was doing.

Janet and Cathy came in to watch what was going on. They looked thrilled. Amanda looked equally delighted.

Mother put the bags of clothes outside the bedroom door and turned back to me. "Now get out of bed."

I was mortified when I reluctantly slid out from under the covers and stood next to the bed in the nightie. I couldn't bring myself to look at any of them.

The girls laughed and Mother just smiled. "Come on down for breakfast now." She told me.

"Please let me have some of my clothes to wear." I pleaded, almost in tears.

"You're fine the way you are. The rest of us are in our nighties too."

Mother let me put my long hair into a ponytail before she paraded me down the stairs to the kitchen.

I had breakfast, terrified the whole time that someone would come to the door. The girls teased me until Mother told them to stop and leave me alone. She never did that before, she surprised me.

I ate quickly and hurried back up to the bedroom. Amanda followed me and got dressed in the bathroom. I got back into bed, ashamed to be seen.

About a half hour later Janet and Cathy came into the room with Mother.

"We have things to do today. Get dressed." She demanded. My heart sank when Janet dropped a pair of brightly colored print tights and a long white cotton blouse on the bed. I just stared at the clothes.

"Do as I tell you!" Mother came over to the bed as stood over me until I got out from under the covers. She helped me get the nightie off and waited until I pulled on the tights. I felt so strange in them.

"Tuck yourself in between your legs." She said.

I looked down and I could see the small bulge of my penis. I put my hand into the tights and under the panties an pushed it between my legs.

"That's better." She turned to the girls, "Help him get ready and bring him downstairs. We don't want to be late for our appointment." Mother turned and left.

I stood there staring at the three of them, dumbfounded with what was happening.

Janet had a wicked smile. "Put your blouse on Denise."

I had to try to stand up to her. "It's Dennis."

"From now on, it's Denise. Now put on the blouse!" She demanded. I was on the floor, on my ass again.

"Cathy, let Denise borrow a pair of your sneakers." Janet suggested.

"Coming right up." Cathy hurried to her room.

I put on the blouse and buttoned it up. They called it a tunic top. It was big and loose fitting. The collar and cuffs were lace trimmed. At least it covered my ass. I felt like such a fool.

Cathy returned in a minute with the sneakers and a pair of pink socks. "Here Denise, put these on."

All three stood over me as I pulled them on and tied the bright pink laces. Where were we going? What was the appointment all about?

"I need to do something with his hair." Janet said as she picked up Amanda's brush from her dresser top.

I tried to get away from them but the three of them cornered me. I had to stand there while Janet took out my ponytail and brushed out my hair.

The last thing I wanted to do was to leave the house dressed like this. What if someone saw me? It was Sunday and everyone would be out at the stores.

I rode in the back seat between Cathy and Janet.

"You look really cute today Denise." Janet teased.

"I think she looks adorable in her tights." Amanda said to Cathy. "Don't you."

"Now girls, don't tease Denise." Mother scolded, smiling in the rear view mirror at me.

I ignored them. At least I tried to. We pulled up at the mall. All I could think about was the crowds of people inside who would stare at me and laugh. The way the kids in school did.

Mother took my arm and, holding it tightly, paraded me through the middle of the mall. I didn't want to look at the people who passed us but I couldn't help myself. I was surprised that hardly anyone took a second glance.

I was as skinny as Amanda. My hair was as long as Cathy's, down past my shoulders. But my face was still my old face. Did I look that much like a girl?

Mom had always said I looked more like her than Dad and I supposed now that was true. I had big green eyes and a small nose and mouth. My face had always been small and narrow, even when I was heavier. I had often hoped it would grow to be more masculine as I got older, but it hadn't.

I hadn't reached the age of puberty. I had anxiously awaited the first signs of manhood. My voice was still high and I hadn't begun to sprout hair. I was never more aware then at that moment of how I wished I looked more masculine.

We stopped outside the beauty parlor. Mother leaned close and whispered in my ear. "If you don't go along with this I promise you will live to regret it." She squeezed my arm so tightly that it started to go numb.

There I was. Standing in the doorway of a beauty parlor in girls' clothes and I was about to go in and have God knows what done to me, and there wasn't a thing I could do about it.

We were apparently on time for the appointment. The hairdresser was waiting for us.

Mother introduced me to the woman. "This is my stepdaughter Denise. Denise this is Carolyn."

"Hi Denise." The woman said with a smile.

"Hi." I said cautiously, ashamed.

Mother pretty well took things from there. She told the girl what to do. She explained that I was very shy and unsure of myself.

"It's time for Denise to have a new look. It's time for her to grow up and put her tomboyish ways behind her. She could use a boost in her self confidence." Mother told her friend Carolyn.

The woman took me and sat me down in her chair. As she brushed my hair she said to Janet, "It's so very sweet of you girls to care so much about your stepsister." Carolyn commented.

They just smiled.

What a joke, I thought to myself.

I had no idea of what was going on. She washed my hair then spent almost a half hour with her scissors, giving me what she called a layered cut. I just sat there while the woman worked on me. I felt almost sick.

"Is Tina too busy to give us any appointment today?" Mother asked the woman.

"Let me check for you." The woman returned a moment later. "She says she could fit you in, in about a half hour."

"That's perfect. There's something else we need to do. Thanks Carolyn." Mother looked at me then smiled at the woman. "Denise looks 100% better."

"Do you like your new look Denise?" Carolyn asked me.

I turned and looked at myself in the mirror again. I was stalling. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't tell her the truth, that I hated it and would just as soon be shaved bald.

"It's a lot different than I'm used to." That was the truth.

"I think she just needs to get accustomed to it. Thanks Carolyn." Mother lead me out to the front of the salon where the girls were waiting.

They all stared at me with surprised looks on their faces. I think Amanda was sincere when she said, "Denise, you look fantastic. I can't believe the difference."

Cathy looked at me funny. "She looks adorable. What a difference it made."

Janet wasn't impressed. At least she didn't appear to be. "We better get a move on."

"Alright, come on girls." Mother looked at me and smiled when she said it. Why? Why were they doing this?

A few shops further on, we came to a small jewelry store. "Here we are." Said Janet, smiling. "Come with me Denise."

Janet took me by the hand and led me inside. We walked up to the counter. "Hi. My sister would like to get her ears pierced."

My ears pierced. No! No! NO! I tried to pull my hand from Janet's. She wouldn't let go and squeezed my hand hard. She had me across the knuckles and it really hurt.

"Sure, we can take care of you right away." The girl indicated that I should follow her to the rear of the store. Janet didn't let go of my hand until I was sitting in the girl's chair. She stayed right by my side as my earlobes were sterilized and tiny studs were shot into them. I didn't hurt, not physically. Emotionally I was a disaster.

I heard very little of what the girl said about washing my ears. I was staring at my reflection in the mirror. If I thought I looked like a girl when I walked into the mall there was no doubt that I looked like one now. My stomach was doing flips. I turned to Janet. "I need to use the bathroom."

Janet must have seen me turning green. The girl pointed to a door in the back wall of the store. "The bathroom is in back." She told us.

I just make it to the toilet before I threw up.

We joined the others waiting out in the mall. Mother smiled at me adoringly. Cathy and Amanda were delighted. I knew they were laughing inside. I wanted to run but there was nowhere to go.

"Come on girls. We need to get back for Denise's nail appointment." Mother herded us back toward the beauty parlor.

Nail appointment? That too? I looked at my hands. I chewed my nails to stubs, constantly. What could they possible do to make them look like girl's nails?

I found out. When we left the salon, a little over an hour later, I had perfectly manicured acrylic nails. They were all a little more than an eighth of an inch longer than the tips of my fingers and had two coats of clear nail polish on them. The woman had assured my 'Mother' that there was no way that I would be chewing these nails off.

I felt very strange as we started walking through the mall again. Mother still held my arm and Janet walked on my other side. Cathy and Amanda followed us.

"Now I think we better find you some new clothes for school tomorrow." Mother said.

I stopped in my tracks and stared at her. "I can't go back to Bentley looking like this." My eyes were filling with tears.

"Of course you can't sweetheart. You're going to start going to public school tomorrow, with your sisters."

There was a bench right behind me. I squatted down on it. "I can't. Please don't make me Mother."

"You don't have to call me Mother anymore. You're one of my girls now. Call me Mom." They were all looking down at me smiling.

"Why?" I asked.

"Why what honey?" Mother asked.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked weakly as the tears started to run down my cheek.

"Why, to make your father proud of you. You were a horrible failure to him as a son. He often said you would have been better off if you were born a girl. Besides, the girls and I agreed from the first time we saw you that you'd make a much better girl than a boy. We don't want a boy living with us anyway. We'll all be much happier now as long as you behave yourself."

That was it. He should have known. He knew he was a disappointment to his Dad. He'd probably have been happy about what they were doing to him.

Mother took a handkerchief out of her purse and dried my tears. "Lets go now Sweetheart. We need to get you a few new outfits. You can borrow some of Cathy's and Amanda's things but I'm sure you'll be much happier with clothes of your own."

I let them lead me into shop after shop. One of the girls went back into the dressing rooms with me each time as I was made to try on skirts, blouses and dresses for them. Mother had to approve of everything before she would buy it. The others had picked up a lot of things I never saw when I was in the dressing rooms.

Each of us had at least one bag in our hand when we made our last stop at a shoe store.

I learned that I was only a size six. I had always been embarrassed about having small hands and feet for a guy. Mother said I was lucky because there were always more styles available for girls with little feet. If that was supposed to make me feel better, it failed.

They bought me five pairs of shoes and a pair of sneakers. I had three pairs of flats; black, white and navy. I had two pair of low heels that I wobbled on when I walked around the store; one cream colored to go with a dress they had bought and a black pair. I wanted none of them. I wanted my old clothes back.

We were getting ready to leave the mall when Amanda ran into some of her friends. I tried to hide behind Mother and Janet but they wouldn't let me. Amanda introduced me to the two girls and their boyfriends, as Denise. I had to play along. I couldn't let them know the truth.

The girls were glad to meet me and to learn that I would be going to school with them starting tomorrow. I wasn't so thrilled but I pretended to be happy to meet them. I avoided looking at the guys.

I was relieved to get home. I never thought I would feel that way about this house.

The girls got a big charge out of putting everything away for me. I just sat on the bed and watched. I could see myself in the mirror from there too. I still couldn't believe it was me staring back from the mirror.

I threw up my dinner. Mother made me take another dose of my vitamins when I finally stopped heaving.

The teasing wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. In a strange way, they were more accepting of me like this. Mother treated me nicer and the girls were more than willing to teach me little details of how to act and what to say as we sat talking at the kitchen table. I wasn't a very willing pupil but I did appreciate being treated better so I at least listened to what they said.

Mother seemed delighted to see us get along better. Was it worth the price I paid? Not as far as I was concerned.

It was about eight o:clock when Mother suggested, "Why don't you girls take Denise upstairs and help him figure out what to wear to school tomorrow."

Cathy and Amanda were more than willing. They were having a ball. Janet seemed reluctant but followed us upstairs.

I sat on the bed as Cathy and Amanda argued over what I should wear. Janet didn't take much interest. She sat on Amanda's bed and said very little.

Cathy, being older, made the final decision. "His green skirt with that white blouse that Amanda picked out." Cathy said, smiling at me.

Janet spoke up. "This is ridiculous. He'll never get away with this."

What was bugging her? She seemed so much different earlier, in the mall. I hadn't said two words since we left the table and I wasn't about to start now. Just the thought of going to their school, dressed up as a girl, was terrifying. I would have done anything to get out of it.

"What's wrong with you." Cathy asked Janet in annoyed tone of voice.

"This stinks. He's going to screw up and everyone will know that we have a queer living with us. We'll be the laughing stock of the whole school."

"He looks terrific. No one will know." Amanda told her sister.

"Oh, he looks like a girl but he doesn't know the first thing about acting like one." Janet turned to me. "Just look at the way he's sitting."

I was sitting, straddling the corner of the bed.

"We can teach him." Amanda tried to convince her sister.

"I suppose." Janet gave in a little. She looked at me. "You better learn fast because if you give away your little secret I promise you your life will be a living hell."

I had no doubt she meant what she said.

Cathy came over and sat on the floor by me. "You've got a lot to learn and there's a lot of stuff that you'll have to pick up on your own. Watch us, watch our friends and try to mimic what you see."

Easier said than done. I thought I knew Mother's reasons for what they were doing but I didn't understand why these three would go to all this trouble. As long as they were talking to me I decided I might as well speak up. Things couldn't get much worse. "I can't do this." I turned to Janet. "You know I'm going to mess up."

Janet's expression changed to ice. "You better not and you better be convincing."

"Why are you doing this?" I asked straight out.

"You heard Mom." Cathy said to me.

I didn't look at Cathy. I kept my stare locked on Janet.

She studied me for a moment before saying what was on her mind. "I'm only going to say this once so listen good. Dad left our mother everything in his will."

That was no shock to me.

She went on. "But there was a condition. She got it all, only if she took care of you and raised you as her own. Dad had a lot of money, this house and a big insurance policy. None of us have any intention of giving that up. If Mom says we have to teach you to be a girl than that's what we're going to do. If you screw things up for us," Janet leaned over close. "you're going to be a very sorry little girl. Understand!?"

Now things made more sense. "I understand." I answered meekly.

Cathy and Amanda had been sitting on the floor watching me as Janet told me this. They looked relieved that I didn't have the nerve to talk back to their older sister.

"Good, we understand each other. Tomorrow you're going to be the sweet, shy little stepsister and you'll do as you're told. Now, we're going to spend the next few hours showing you how to walk, sit, stand and, in general, how to be a girl. So pay attention."

She was true to her word and I was too afraid of what might happen tomorrow not to take in everything they taught me.

Before bed I went into the bathroom with Amanda. We were both in nighties.

"Tonight you can borrow by cream but we'll get you your own tomorrow. Watch me and wash your face the way I do."

I had seen her using her deep cleansing creams before. It felt odd doing the same. I had to use her lotion too, on my face, hands and legs. It felt oily and slimy until I rubbed it in.

As we laid there in our beds, in the dark, I could hear Amanda's breathing slow as she fell asleep. The clock on the dresser said it was eleven thirty. I was still awake and staring at it at three.

Amanda had set the alarm for an hour earlier than usual. It was a good thing because I took them forever to get me ready.

Janet did my hair, showing me how to use the curling iron on my bangs.

Cathy and Amanda had everything laid out on my bed for me when Janet and I came out of the bathroom.

The panties were not the familiar cotton. They were silky with lace trim. They felt strange against my skin as I pulled them up. The girls were decent enough to turn their backs while I put them on.

I wasn't expecting the next thing they handed me. It was a struggle to put on pantyhose. Standing there in them, in front of the others, I felt really strange.

The white blouse with its funny collar looked uncomfortably feminine and with it tucked into the short green skirt I felt ridiculous. How could I go out dressed like this, much less to school? The weather these days was cool so Amanda loaned me one of her sweaters to take with me. In my black flats, they led me downstairs to breakfast.

"You look lovely Denise." Mother stood next to the stove beaming. "Girls, you did a beautiful job with her." She gave them each an appreciative look and smile. Looking back to me, she added, "You'll do fine today. Don't be afraid."

Afraid wasn't the word for it. Terrified didn't even seem like a strong enough word.

She looked at me strangely then Mother said, "Where's her purse?"

Amanda jumped up. "I forgot Mom."

"Well, go get it for her." She said smiling. Mother was really enjoying this.

Amanda returned a minute later and hung a small shoulder bag over the back of my chair, next to the sweater. I had to carry a purse too? I should have known. I wasn't happy.

Amanda went back to eating her breakfast. "He has his new wallet, tissues, a pen and pencil, his brush, a pack of gum and some loose change."

Mother checked the purse. When she pulled out lipstick she looked annoyed, she turned to Amanda. "You know the rules young lady, only gloss."

She didn't expect me to wear that, did she?

"You might as well know the rules too Denise," Mother said, turning to me. "No heavy makeup to school. If you want to wear it at home, that's up to you. Church and special occasions are another story. Do you understand." She was smiling the whole time but I didn't think it was funny.

Janet obviously thought the whole thing was extremely funny. "We'll show Denise what she needs to know." She assured Mother.

My stomach was doing flips. I couldn't eat the cereal in front of me.

"That's alright honey. Just eat your toast and drink the juice." Mother said. "I know you're nervous. I wouldn't want you to get sick this morning."

"Thanks." I said sarcastically.

"Just thanks?" Mother asked, looking at me funny.

"Thanks Mother?" I tried, not so boldly.

"Mom" She corrected me, still waiting.

"Thanks Mom." I conceded. I got a funny look from Janet.

"That's better sweetheart." Mother said with a smile.

She looked at the others. "You girls better get going before you're late."

"See you in school Denise." Amanda said with an odd smile as she and her sister got up from the table.

"Don't forget what I told you Denise." Janet said as she slung her purse over her shoulder and picked up her books.

I just looked at her. Resignation on my face. I was not about to get her mad at me. "I won't." I had no intention of giving myself away, if I could avoid it.

"Don't be nervous. Just remember what we taught you. See you later." Cathy said with a smile. She and Amanda were excited about today.

As far as being nervous, I was that. There was nothing she, or anyone could say that would change that.

Mother, or rather Mom, and I were alone in the kitchen. She was apparently going with me. That made sense. She had to enroll me. I wasn't sure how she was going to pull that off. I was almost sure you had to have records from the last school a person attended and some other identification.

"All ready to go Denise?" She asked, pushing her chair back from the table.

"I can't do this. I'm not a girl. Please don't make me." I had to try one last time. I begged her.

Her mood changed abruptly. "I told you how things are going to be. Don't give me any more trouble." She was standing over me now and I was scared. I covered my face. "You are Denise from now on and if I catch you acting like a boy again I will punish you severely. The sooner you get that through your head the happier you will be. That's the end of it."

"Yes Mom."

"All right now. Let's get going and don't forget your purse."

I followed her out the back door and we got in the car.

The drive to the school seemed endless. I actually considered jumping from the car and running but I didn't have the nerve.

We parked in the lot in front of the office and I walked a step behind Mother, through the front doors and into the office. I felt terribly selfconscious as I walked along in my outfit. I could feel the air waft up under the skirt, through the sheer material of the pantyhose. I knew I looked absurd.

"Good morning Ms Worth." The woman behind the desk said when she saw Mother.

"Good morning Elizabeth. How are you."

"Fine." I told the woman, scared to death to say anything.

The woman behind the desk looked at me and back to Mother smiling. "Amanda said you'd be in this morning to register her stepsister."

Mother corrected her. "We don't think of Denise as a stepsister or stepdaughter. She's just the girls' sister and my new daughter."

"That's sweet. I'll remember." She turned to me. "Good morning Denise. Welcome to Bremond."

"Good morning." I answered the woman, terrified. Would my voice give me away? Apparently not. The woman turned back to mother.

"Do you have her transcripts and birth certificate?" She asked Mother. That's what I was afraid of. She would see that my real name was Dennis.

I watched as the woman studied the documents. She handed the birth certificate back to Mother without so much as a raised eyebrow. "Everything seems to be here." The woman looked up smiling.

"I would prefer that Denise didn't have to participate in any physical activities until she's had a little more time to recover from the accident."

Accident? What accident? What was Mom talking about?

The woman turned to me. "Are you alright dear?"

"I'm fine." I told her.

The woman turned back to Mother. "What happened?"

"Oh, it's nothing serious. Just minor trauma. It would just be better if she didn't have to take gym."

"Well, since we're so close to the end of the year I don't see why we can't just give her a study hall. That should be alright."

I was relieved. I had no idea how I would have handled taking a girl's gym class. I had been so nervous about everything else that I hadn't give gym a thought. Mother saved me, thank God.

"Please see if you can put Denise in as many of the girls' classes as you can. I know she'd be more comfortable around them since she doesn't know anyone yet."

She was smoothing the way for me as best she could. Of course it would be easier if I was close to them. Fortunately for me, Janet was in high school.

"I'm sure we can accommodate Denise in at least a few of her classes. If you and she will just take a seat, I'll get her a schedule made up."

That was all too easy, I mused as we sat on the chairs in the lobby. I was very careful to remember how to sit the way the girls had shown me with my knees tightly together and my feet slid off to the side. It felt awkward but I knew it was proper. Especially if I didn't want anyone looking up my skirt. There was so much to remember.

The birth certificate 'Mom' had shown the woman was sticking out of the side pocket of her purse. "May I see that?" I asked nicely.

Mother smiled slyly. "Of course Dear." She handed it to me.

It had been altered, of course, but I couldn't tell by looking at it that it was a forgery. It had been done expertly. I was Denise Cannon. I was a female and I was 13 years old. I saw my real Mom and Dad's names on the certificate. It was disheartening to see. My transcripts were probably even easier to alter. Mother was thorough.

It didn't take them very long to get me signed up for classes. Several kids walked by us. They all looked at me. A few of the girls smiled. They really couldn't tell, I asked myself?

"We're all set Denise." I didn't see the woman approach. I was looking out the glass doors at the sunshine. I wanted to run away.

I turned and took the paper from her hand as Mother and I stood up. "Jennie's going to show you to your next class." She said. There was a girl standing behind her, smiling at me. I sort of smiled back. I was so nervous.

Mother turned to me. She cupped my face in her hands and leaned down and kissed my cheek. "You have a good first day sweetheart." She whispered, "Don't be nervous, you look lovely."

It wasn't very reassuring. "Ok Mom."

"Go on now girls." The woman told the blond and I. "Denise'll be fine Ms Worth." I heard the woman say to Mother as I followed the girl down the hall and around a corner.

"You're name's Denise?" The girl asked me.

"Yes." What was her's? Jennie! That's what the woman had said.

"Where are you from?" She asked.

"New York."

"Where in New York?" Jennie asked, pressing for more information.

I was too nervous to give long explanations. "Buffalo." I wished I was back there now.

"This must be the first time you've changed schools." Jennie observed as we walked.

I turned and looked at her. How did she know. "Yes, it is."

"There's nothing to be nervous about. This is my sixth school. My dad's in the Army. We move around a lot. You'll like it here. There's lots of neat kids. You're pretty, you'll do alright."

She thinks I'm pretty. What a joke. What do I say to that? "Thanks." Was all I could think of.

Suddenly there was a clanging and doors started to swing open and the halls were filled with kids. Jennie was in front of me now as we walked along trying to avoid getting knocked over in the rush. I kept my eyes glued on her back. I didn't want to make eye contact with anyone.

We finally turned into an empty classroom. "This is Mrs Getty's English class, second period." Jennie handed me a map of the school. "Mrs Brown marked it up with your classes. The school's not very big. You won't have any trouble."

Jennie was nice. "Thanks."

"That's ok Denise. We have the same lunch period, maybe I'll see you there." The girl with her warm smile turned and left.

I was the only person in the room. I didn't want to just stand there and be the center of attention as everyone came in. I took a seat at a desk half way to the back of the room.

Kids started filing into the room. Everyone looked at me. Some of the boys looked at me for too long. I dropped my eyes when they met their's. The girls looked too but they didn't stare. Cathy was about the fifth person to walk in. She hurried over to me.

"How are you doing?" She whispered.

"I'm scared to death." I whispered back. No one had sat near enough to overhear us.

"I'm here now. I'll help you. Try to relax." Cathy told me. "Come on to the back. There's an empty desk next to mine."

Forget relaxing. I followed her. The room filled up quickly and I continued to get looks. Cathy introduced me to one of her girlfriends, Patty. I did my best to smile as we exchanged greetings. I was thankful that the teacher arrived but felt immediately humiliated when she told me to stand up and introduce myself to the rest of the class. I felt weak in the knees. "My name is Denise Cannon." I sat down quickly, before I fell down. It sounded so strange to here me say it, 'My name is Denise Cannon'.

I looked at my schedule for the first time with Cathy. "Great, aside from English we have Math and lunch together. Amanda has the same lunch period too. You're on your own next period, in history. Look! You have Mr Grimmy for sixth period Science. His name's really Grimes but everybody calls him Grimmy. You'll see why when you meet him."

Something about the way she rambled on helped to ease my tension. I had been in second year Spanish and they had put me into a Spanish class here. Amanda was in that class with me, first period, good. My last class would have been gym. I had a study hall in the library. I would be alone again and I didn't like that.

"Cathy? Is there something you'd like to share with the rest of the class?" We both looked up. The teacher, Mrs Getty was staring at Cathy. The rest of the class was silent and staring at the two of us. The last thing I wanted was to draw attention to myself.

"I'm sorry Mrs Getty. Denise is my stepsister. I was just helping her so she'd know where to find her next class."

"There'll be time enough after class for you to help Denise." Mrs Getty told Cathy.

It got easier once class started but I was still constantly aware of every move I made. I watched the other girls in the class as subtly as possible. I watched the little things like what they did while they sat there listening to the teacher, the way they sat, how they occupied their hands. One played with her pencils, another absently curled wisps of hair around her fingers.

I couldn't picture myself acting as silly and girlish as they did. The limp wrists they waved in the air when they raised their hands, they way they gestured when they talked and the facial expressions they were so free with. How could anyone expect me to do those things.

But I watched and learned. Each class was as scary as the one before. I was a wall flower in history. I didn't talk to or look at anyone. I started to walk out of the class without my purse. I had to go back for it.

Cathy introduced me, with great delight, to a few of her friends in Math, fourth period. The girls I had met at the mall were among them.

Amanda was waiting for us when we got to the cafeteria. She had assembled about four of her friends and we sat outside, along with a few of Cathy's. Patty and Brandy I had already met. The others had an endless list of questions to ask. I know I could have done better answering them if my heart had been in it but I was becoming quite a liar and storyteller.

I was sitting there at the table listening to their conversation when I spotted Jennie walking by. She smiled and waved to me. I couldn't ignore her. She had been nice to me earlier and there was something about her that I liked. I returned her smile and waved back, limp wrist and all.

I couldn't help but notice the guys that were everywhere. I was so afraid that one would take a good look at me and wonder. All I needed was for one of them to realize it was one of them. I'd be mortified.

I couldn't eat a thing. I had a soda. When Lunch was almost over and a few of the girls announced they had to go to the girl's room, I froze. I had to go too, but not there, I couldn't. At the first suggestion of going, Cathy and Amanda turned and looked at me. My eyes met there's, pleading. Both gave me a tiny nod. They weren't going to let me get out of it. I reluctantly stood and followed my new friends. Cathy brought up the rear.

I didn't know what to do as I followed Amanda through the girl's room door.

It wasn't much different than the average boy's room except for a the obvious, no urinals. There were more than twice as many stalls but not enough for the room full of girls. I was embarrassed almost to tears. They stood two deep in front of the sinks, primping themselves in the mirrors.

Cathy pushed me toward an empty stall. She closed the door and I could see her feet right outside. I was here, I had to go, so I did. I hiked up my skirt, pulled down my pantyhose and panties and sat. I was careful not to make too much noise peeing. I finished as quickly as possible and pulled myself back together. I was careful to tuck my penis between my legs. I knocked softly and Cathy moved away from the door.

"Fix your hair while I go." She told me. That was easy for her to say. There was an open spot in front of the mirrors. I unzipped my purse and pulled out the brush that Amanda had put in there for me. Janet had shown me how this morning. I didn't over do it. My hair was hardly a mess, just a little windblown. Looking at myself in the mirror, I wasn't unattractive as a girl. I was better looking than a lot of the girls I was sharing the mirror with. Silly thought.

"Put on some gloss." Amanda whispered as she stood beside me. She was freshening hers. She waited till I took the tube from my purse.

I had seen enough women do it to have an idea what I was doing. I thought I did alright.

Again, Amanda whispered in my ear, "That's ok for now but we'll work on doing it the right way tonight."

I looked at myself in the mirror. What was wrong with how I looked, I wondered?

I was glad to get out of there. Amanda and Cathy walked me to my next class. This was Cathy's next class too.

"See you later." Amanda said to Cathy and I.

"Come on. I don't want to be late." Cathy said as she pushed me ahead of her.

I had to go through the same introduction in front of the whole class as I had in the earlier classes. It was getting a little easier. It seemed I didn't have as much to be afraid of as I thought. Judging by the faces of the kids, I was just another new girl.

Cathy took great pleasure in introducing me to more of her friends. It was getting a little easier to talk to them.

Study hall was easy. The woman in charge told me right up front that this wasn't play time and she would not tolerate socializing. no one bothered me. I did some of the homework my new teachers had given out.

My last class was a joke, Home Economics. The teacher was nice, a Miss Lange. She was attentive which made me a little nervous. I must have seemed backward to her. I told her I didn't know how to cook or sew. They were baking pastries today so I just kind of stayed in the background. She teamed me up with two girls, Nancy and Linda. They were nice enough and they didn't ask too many questions.

I was relieved when the final bell rang. I went back to the locker I'd been assigned and unloaded all my new books into it. I had made up my mind what I had to do. I had to get away. I couldn't do this, I told myself.

She must have read my mind. The parking lot, where Amanda, Cathy and Janet were waiting, was on the east side of the building. I went straight to one of the west exits. Janet was waiting just outside the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" She asked, coming up from behind me, grabbing my arm.

I turned at the sound of her voice. My heart sunk.

Janet wasn't to thrilled to have to drive me. It meant that someone had to squeeze in back or one of her friends, either Ann or Heather would have to find another ride back and forth to school. Needless to say, I was the one who had to squeeze in back. There were six of us packed into her little Mustang. It was awkward for me to be so close to these girls, pretending to be one of them.

Mother, Mom, wanted to hear about everything when we got home. The others hardly let me get a word in. Cathy and Amanda couldn't wait to tell their mother how well I did.

She was delighted. "I'm very proud of you Denise. It's not going to take you any time at all to adjust." I was surprised by the hug she gave me.

"Now, each of you check you're chores on the refrigerator list then go change and get busy." Mother told us.

I was happy to find that I only had to dust and vacuum the downstairs. That was easy compared to the things I had been made to do. Was Mother slacking off on me? I hoped so.

I went up and put on the tights and top I had worn on Sunday, to the mall. It was the nearest thing I had to pants and a shirt. I still felt selfconscious in it but it was better than a skirt and blouse. Not to mention pantyhose.

I was finally able to eat a meal and keep it down.

After dinner the four of us went off to do homework. Amanda and I did ours in the rec room. There wasn't enough room in the bedroom for desks.

That night, getting ready for bed, I was taught the rituals it would repeat each night. There was so much to do to get ready for bed. Moisturizing to improve and soften my skin was not the least of it. I would never have imagined it would become second nature to me to do all the things girls do to keep themselves young and attractive. Amanda took the time to show me put on my lip gloss, as promised.

The next morning Janet help me with my hair, only after I made a first attempt. I didn't do too badly she told me.

"Today we're going to put on a little makeup on." Amanda informed me. Reluctantly, I held very still as she made me up. I felt very strange, seeing myself in the mirror with eyeshadow and mascara on my eyes.

My clothes were laid out on the bed for me. A skirt and blouse again. Lots of the girls in school wore jeans, I wished I could but I didn't argue. My sisters dressed well and Mother insisted that I do the same. She had no hesitation now, spending money for new clothes for me.

I made it through yesterday. I supposed I could handle it again.

That day was easier at school. I met more of their friends and while I was terrified the whole day, I didn't feel like I was going to pass out with fear. I ran into Jennie in the hall. She joined us all at lunch. She was a friend of Amanda's too and was surprised to learn that we were 'sisters'. I liked Jennie.

I liked Nancy and Linda too. Once I finally got over being uncomfortable around them, we got along well. They did have a few questions but I had a detailed story that I had been telling everyone. It was getting easier.

That night I started exercising with Cathy. She worked out each night in the basement and mother thought it would be a good idea for me to exercise with her. I objected at first, to no avail. Changing into the tights and leotard she loaned me, I joined Cathy.

At first I wasn't very cooperative but Cathy convinced me it was for my own good. "You don't want fat thighs, do you?" It wasn't long before I found myself enjoying her company.

Each day got a little easier. I watch girls all the time now. I want to appear as natural as possible. It feels a little funny trying to act as giddy and feminine as my new friends but I'm learning.

Nancy called me Thursday night to talk. I gave her my phone number. Mom said it was alright. We talked for about an hour. I was amazed how open she was, the things she talked about. Guys were never like this. It was nice in a way, once I get past being embarrassed, having a friend to talk to. I just wished she wasn't so interested in talking about guys so much.

The next couple of weeks passed quickly and without incident. Each day got a little easier as I was accepted as Denise and I accepted myself. By the second week I was putting on makeup without help. It had taken me quite a while to learn how to do it just so, but the girls were persistent.

Cathy and Amanda are very supportive. They seem genuinely concerned about how I'm adjusting. We talk a lot. One of the things I find very difficult is expressing how I feel. I had learned, like all boys do, that you don't confide your feelings to others. Guys are supposed to be macho. They're supposed to hide how they feel. It was difficult, at first, to learn how to be open and honest that way.

I learned by example. My new sisters, my new girlfriends, didn't have a problem with it and Denise certainly would have seemed odd if she did. I didn't want to seem odd.

Cathy has me working out with her three or four nights a week. I have tights and leotards that they bought me. Working out isn't so bad. It's the only exercise I get these days.

Ever since Janet made the comment about my legs I've been trying to get into better shape. I didn't want my flabby legs to give me away.

Fear had been the motivator that made me pretend to be something I wasn't. Peer pressure was what made me want to be accepted by my new friends as one of them. I worked hard at it.

I was still terrified of being discovered so I rarely went anywhere but to school. Amanda tried to get me to go out with her and her friends but I just couldn't get up the nerve.

I never thought I'd get used to school. I occasionally forget myself and forget that I'm supposed to be a girl, but it didn't happen very often. Less and less as time passed.

I never took much notice in the difference between the way guys and girls dress. It's not just the obvious differences. I'm acutely aware of those. It's the colors. Girls can wear all kinds of bright colors and prints. Guys never do. It's funny but now that I've been wearing all these bright colored blouses it doesn't seem fair to the guys. I started to enjoy wearing them.

I'm doing better with my class work since I got over feeling so self conscious. The only thing that really bothers me is the stares I sometimes get from some of the guys.

I've found it's easier going to the girls' room when it's less crowded. I try to time my trips there during classes, when there's fewer girls there. that helps.

I was sitting in Study Hall today and this guy comes up and introduces himself to me. He's in my Spanish class and he wanted to know if I'd loan him my notes. By the way he looked at me I knew that wasn't what he was really after. I immediately put him off. I guess you could say I was rude. "I don't loan my notes. Why don't you pay attention in class." I said. He called me a bitch. I would have laughed if I hadn't been so scared. He won't bother me again.

With school over for the Summer I don't get out much. I don't really want to. I hang around the house. I read a lot. Mom doesn't give me a hard time about not going out. She does chase me outside. She says it's not healthy for me to stay cooped up inside. I go out on the deck in back a lot.

We went to see the fireworks tonight. We went with some friends of Mom's. She introduced me to them as her daughter. It's weird around adults. They're easy to fool it seems.

Mr. Tate took us all for ice cream after the fireworks. That was nice of him.

The Tate's have a son and daughter, Paul and Casey. He's my age, she's a year and a half younger. It's funny, I'm nervous being around Paul but it's Casey that I worry about. Guys are pretty easy to fool. If you look like a girl they don't ask questions, they just assume you are one. Casey, on the other hand, seems to watch me all the time whenever we're over there. The way she seems to follow me around, the way she looks at me sometimes. It bothers me.

They were all over our house one Saturday night. We barbecued on the grill. Casey was helping me set the table when I realized she was staring at me again. I finally got up the courage to ask, "What is it!?" I blurted out.

Casey looked shocked at my question. She looked away, almost as if she was afraid to reply.

"Why do you stare at me all the time." I asked. I was ready for the worst but I just couldn't stand her watching me anymore.

She turned to me and, sheepishly said, "You're so pretty." She hesitated. "But you're not snotty like most girls. You're different."

I couldn't believe what I heard. "Thanks." Was all I could think of to say.

Casey and I became friends that day. She became like a younger sister to me and while she didn't realize what was happening, I learned a lot from her.

I must be sick or something. I happened to bump into the doorjamb by accident and hit my chest. I felt like I was stuck with a pin, in my nipple. I looked for a splinter but their wasn't one. Then I touched my other one and it was just as tender. I looked in the mirror and the ring around it and the nipple itself looked bigger, like it was swollen. Strange.

Mom says we're going to Church tomorrow. That's a first for me.

"You can finally get to wear one of the pretty new dresses I bought you." She told me.

I'm not the least excited about wearing a dress.

Hardly a day goes by that Mom doesn't have something new for me. I really wish she wouldn't. I don't want any more girls clothes.

Things are so much different than when I first arrived. She's so much nicer to me now. Cathy and Amanda are really friendly to me too. Janet is still standoffish. She hardly says anything to me. I do my own hair and she doesn't help me anymore. I wish I know what's bothering her. I try to go out of my way to be nice to her.

Getting dressed for church was a lot different than getting ready for school. At least the slip is smooth and silky. It won't let the material of the dress brush against my nipples. I wince every time anything brushes against them now. They are definitely swollen. They're almost twice the size they used to be and the ring around them had definitely gotten bigger. I suppose I should ask Mom about it but I'm afraid she'll think I'm complaining about nothing. I'll wait and see. Maybe it will pass.

"You look very pretty girls. All of you." Mom told us as she stood in the yard with the camera, looking back at us, posing in front of the house.

She must have taken half a dozen pictures of us. Mom was as bad as Amanda with her camera.

The simple white dress isn't much worse that wearing a skirt and blouse. The red bow in my hair is something new but it looks pretty. Mom bought me new earrings and a little white purse to go with my dress. The thought of going out in public in it makes me a little nervous but they all assure me that I look terrific. I'm not as self conscious as I was.

We're going to stop at the cemetery on the way to church. Mom thought it would be nice to put fresh flowers on Dad's grave. I don't resent him like I used to.

After Mom snapped the picture I turned to Amanda. She had put on my red lipstick for me. "Are you sure it looks alright?" I asked her. I never wore anything but the gloss till that day.

"You look terrific Denise, relax and stop licking it. You're going to lick it all off before we even get in the car."

"I can't help it." I confessed. I licked it again.

"Now you need to fix it silly." Amanda laughed. "Come on into the house. We have to hurry."

Amanda stood behind me as I took my lipstick from my purse and redid my lips.

"Now stop licking them." Amanda mock scolded me.

I took a deep breath to help calm my nerves. Mom had taught me that trick and it seemed to help. As I inhaled deeply I could smell again the perfume I put on that morning. I liked the fragrance. It was Amanda's and Mom insisted I wear some. There was something about wearing perfume that made me feel pretty and feminine. A feeling I was getting acclimated to.

"Come on girls. Time to go." Mom called from the front door.

We had washed the Cadillac yesterday and it looked great. I rode in the back with Amanda and Cathy. I had spent several hours practicing walking in my heels yesterday. I was still a little unsure of myself in them but I'd could get by without falling down. Thank God they're not like Cathy's and Janet's. Their's are at least 2" heels. Mine and Amanda's are only little short ones.

The ushers opened the doors for us. Mom had always taught me that men should open doors for ladies. What an odd feeling to have a man open one for me.

Mom got a lot of complements about the way she looked and about her girls. We were so beautiful and so poised, according to her friends. All I did was remember to sit up straight and keep my head up the way she told me.

I had to smile and say hello to everyone she introduced me to. I felt out of place among all these older women. I had just begun to get comfortable being around girls my age.

After the service we had to socialize. I was standing with Cathy. We were talking with some of her friends I'd just met when I noticed someone across the room. I did a double take before I was sure it was him. It was Bill. The same Bill that had discovered me in Amanda's underwear in the boys' locker room at Bentley. I stepped over next to Cathy, turning my back to him. Surely he'd recognize me. I had to get out of there.

"Cathy, tell Mom I needed to get some fresh air. I'll wait outside for you." I couldn't tell her the real reason I had to get out of there. Not in front of her friends.

I was almost to the door when Janet came walking up beside me. "Where are you going?"

There was no one close to us. "I saw someone I used to know at Bentley." I was in a hurry but Janet held me by the arm. She wouldn't let me go.

"Where is he?" She asked, looking back in the direction of the parishioners standing around talking.

I pointed him out. "That's him. The one with the black hair."

"The one in the blue suit?" She asked me.

"That's him, Bill." I was panicked. The people his parents were talking to were turning to leave and Bill turned in our direction. He was following his Mom and Dad. They were walking right toward us.

"Janet, please let me go. I have to get outside." I begged but she didn't release her grip on my arm.

"No, we're going to stand right here and pretend we're talking and let him pass right by us."

"Why are you doing this to me?" I knew she didn't like me but this could be disastrous.

"Never mind. Just start talking. Tell me about your Home Economics class. Tell me what you've been doing."

I was terrified but it was to late to run. He was only about twenty feet away and it would draw attention to me if I started to walk now. There was no one in between Janet and I and them.

Janet's back was to them as they approached. I was facing them. If he looked up he would look me right in the face. It was hard to think of what to say to Janet. I told her about how we were learning to shop for groceries.

He was only ten feet away, walking behind his mother on the far side of the isle. I saw him look up and turned my eyes back to Janet's. I was shaking and I could hear my voice waver.

He was looking right at me. I could tell. I waited for him to say something. "Hey, aren't you Dennis Cannon. You decided to turn into a full blown drag queen I see. Hey everybody, this is Dennis Cannon. He's a guy dressed up as a girl. He's queer."

The revelation never came. He looked right at me and didn't recognize me. When he was abreast of me I couldn't resist. I glanced over at him and our eyes met. There was no sign of recognition. There was a flirtive smile. I looked away. He didn't recognize me. He looked right at me and smiled and didn't know who I was.

Janet waited until Bill and his parents were out the door. "Now, will you stop worrying?"

I was mad at her. "Why did you do that to me. Do you hate me that much? I haven't done anything to you."

"I did it to prove to you that you have nothing to worry about. Let's go outside."

I hesitated but she took my arm again.

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. It was warm but not uncomfortable with the light breeze that was blowing. You could smell the honeysuckle from the trees and bushes out in front of the church.

We walked away from the people who had gathered out front. I was afraid that Bill would be out there but I saw him walk around the far side of the building, toward the parking lot. We were heading in the opposite direction. When finally stopped, out of earshot of everyone, Janet let go of my arm.

"Why do you hate me?" I asked again. I was much calmer now.

"I don't hate you Denise. I used to. I hated you long before I ever met you. I've hated you for years. You're the reason my mother and your father were apart for so long. The reason he wouldn't leave your mother. My mother and your father had been in love for years. Amanda's your half sister." She said as though it would be some kind of surprise to me.

"I know." I said sadly.

"You know!" It was Janet's turn to be surprised.

"I knew the first day I met all of you. But I never knew my Dad didn't love my Mom." That was a saddening revelation for me.

Janet went on. "I hated the little worm that came to live with us. I hated sharing your father with you. He was my father too. The only one I'd ever known and I loved him. I hated the idea of having you intrude on our lives.

I didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry Janet. I didn't know how you felt about me and Dad."

"Damn it, that's just what I'm talking about."

I looked up at her, questioningly. "What?"

"I hated Dennis but you make it so hard for me to hate Denise. I've tried, God knows I've tried."

I looked into her eyes. The same film of moisture that was clouding mine eyes was clouding hers now. We just stood there for a few seconds looking at each other them I broke down and cried. Not just a tear or two but gushing torrents. I don't ever remember crying like that before.

Janet raised her arms to me and I buried my face on the front of her blue dress. She held me as I cried my heart out. Everything that I had been holding back for so long came out that morning.

Janet stroked my head. "It's alright Denise. Let it out."

I could feel her tears as they dropped from her cheeks onto my head. Her voice was cut with sobs too.

"I wanted you to like me. I didn't understand." I told her as we held each other.

"I know, I know."

"What's wrong?" I heard. I looked up. Mom, Cathy and Amanda were hurrying towards us.

"Nothing, we're fine." Janet told them.

I looked up at Janet. Black streaks were running down her face. Her eyes were all red and puffy. She didn't look fine. "You're a mess." I told her smiling.

Surprised, she looked back to me and saw my smile. "You don't look so hot yourself."

We hugged again. "Just a little heart to heart." Janet told the others.

I turned to them again and seeing them smile at the two of us I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time. A warm glow from inside.

"I think we better go home." Mother suggested. "You girls are a sight."

We all changed as soon as we got home. I was anxious to get out of the dress. I was anxious for something else too. I went down stairs looking for Mom. I didn't see her so I went and knocked on her bedroom door.

"Who is it?" She called out.

"It's me Mom." I answered.

"Just a second Denise. I'll be right there."

It only took a minute before the door opened. "What is it honey." She asked me.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked.

"Sure honey." Mom stood aside and invited me into her bedroom. "What's wrong?"

"I think I'm sick." I said, standing next to her bed.

She came over and sat on the edge of the bed by me. "Have you got a fever?" She put her hand on my forehead. She was genuinely concerned.

"No, it's not like that. I've don't know exactly what it is."

"Well, tell me. Maybe I can help."

I hesitated. I felt foolish. "It's embarrassing."

"It's alright sweetheart. You can tell me."

I trusted her about that. "I have a pain in my chest. Well it's not really a pain. I'm sort of sore."

"Where in your chest?"

That was the embarrassing part.

She could see it was awkward for me. "Just show me."

I pulled the tee shirt out of my tights. Holding it up I pointed to my nipples. Mom touched one and I jumped.

"You're sensitive there?" It was as much a question as a statement. It was pretty obvious.

"Very." I looked up at Mom. She had a strange look on her face. Was it a smile? I wasn't sure.

"Do you want me to take you to the doctor?" She asked.

I didn't have to even think about that for a second. "NO! Don't you know what it is?" No way did I want a doctor to see me. That would have been too embarrassing. I pulled down my shirt.

"No I don't sweetheart. I could call someone tomorrow and find out." Mom brushed my cheek with her hand. She was definitely smiling now. Was she trying to reassure me? That must have been it.

"Please." I asked.

"Ok sweetheart." Mom agreed.

Things took a change for the better that Sunday. Maybe it was just that a lot of things came into focus. The wall had been torn down between Janet and I. Mom and I became friends. I gained new confidence in myself and I didn't feel like so much of a freak anymore.

I started doing things with Amanda, getting out. I liked riding bikes with her and her friends. Cathy loaned me her old one. She didn't use it much anymore.

I went along with her when she went to her friends' houses. It was fun to get out.

When Nancy called and said that she